You may have known your loved ones for years, but there's always more to learn about the people closest to you.
Whether it's your best friend, parent, mentor, or romantic partner, asking thoughtful questions is a great way to deepen your bond.
“Being a good listener and question-asker can improve communication skills, help you better engage with others, promote empathetic understanding and, ultimately, build better relationships,” Kimmy Wu, licensed psychotherapist, tells TODAY.com.
We all lead busy lives, but it's important to find time to foster meaningful connections. Invite your loved one out for a coffee, go for a long drive, or have an intimate dinner at home.
You might also gain insights into why your friend, partner, or family member behaves and thinks the way they do, which will help foster empathy and appreciation in your relationship.
“In life, marriage and extended-family relationships, don’t give up on curiosity and care about another person’s inner life experience just because you think you know them already,” Geremy Keeton, LMFT and senior director of the counseling services department of Focus on the Family, tells TODAY.com.
Asking your loved ones sincere questions — and listening carefully —shows them that you genuinely care about them and want to understand them more deeply.
With input from Wu and Keeton, here’s a list of deep questions to help take your relationships to the next level.
Deep questions to ask your loved ones
- If you were granted three wishes, what would they be and why?
- What are three adjectives that best describe you?
- What activities energize you? Drain you?
- What helps you make difficult decisions?
- If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why?
- What’s a stressful life event you lived through and how did you handle it?
- What qualities make you unique?
- Who have been your greatest influences and why?
- What are you learning to do right now? What's making that process challenging? What's supporting it?
- What defines your identity?
- What are you most grateful for in life?
- What helps you deal with anxiety or stress?
- In what area or areas of your life do you compare yourself to others? How does that affect your wellbeing?
- What is something you're looking forward to and why?
- When do you feel the most confident and why?
- What quote or piece of advice has impacted you most?
- What's your favorite song lyric and why?
- What’s the last thing or person you grieved?
- What's one thing you are deeply passionate about?
- How do you learn best?
- What’s your love language?
- When do you feel the most loved? Least?
- What traditions are most important to you?
- What questions do you have about your heritage or ancestry?
- How do you handle conflict? Are you more prone to flight, fight or freeze?
- What are your thoughts on therapy?
- What childhood trauma have you had to process as an adult? How did you deal with it?
- When are you most productive? Least?
- What habit or habits prevent you from accomplishing things you want to do?
- What toxic thoughts do you struggle with?
- What affirmation helps keep you grounded?
- What do you believe happens after you die?
- What role does faith play in your life?
- What do you think is the meaning of life?
- Do you think you have a “purpose?” If so, what is it?
- Is there anything preventing you from fully fulfilling your life’s purpose? If so, what is it?
- What societal or systemic issue fires you up?
- What social injustice or inequality is most important to you? What do you wish could be done to change it? How can you contribute to that effort?
- Are you easily distracted? If yes, what do you do to address those distractions?
- How do you define personal and professional success respectively?
- In what areas of your life do you have high expectations? In what area of your life do you accept “good enough”?
- Who can you count on to give you honest feedback?
- What area of your life you could use a coach or mentor for?
- What do you tell yourself when you make a mistake or something doesn’t go as planned?
- What do you say to yourself to silent your inner critic? Or do you listen to it?
- Do you ask for help when you need it? If not, why?
- Is there a truth, conversation or undertaking you've been avoiding? What is it and stops you from taking action?
- How would the people closest to you describe you?
- What type of compliment is most difficult to receive? Why?
- What chapter of your story do you wish you could rewrite?
- What do you consider your core values?
- What areas of your life do you wish you were more efficient in?
- What motivates you to give your best effort?
- Do you consider yourself an extrovert, introvert or ambivert?
- What was a dark time in your life? Looking back, what can you learn from that period?
- What activity or activities bring you joy?
- What memory or experience brings you back to your childhood?
- What have you always wanted to try, but haven't because you think it’s either too expensive, too hard, or too late?
- What are relationship non-negotiables or deal breakers?
- What does it mean to you to have chemistry with someone?
- If you could write your own legacy, what would it say?
- What's something you wish you had more time for?
- What is something you're irrationally afraid of?
- Has a phobia ever prevented you from doing something important to you?
- Do you have a rhythm, routine or system in your life that really works?
- In what aspect of your life do you wish you had more freedom and why?
- What gives you a sense of belonging?
- What do you wish you were better at?
- What's one thing you've done that you're proud to tell people about?
- Do you feel like you're taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and/or mentally? If not, why not?
- What boundaries do you wish you could put in place to live a happier life?
- What worries you most about the future? What gives you hope?
- When was the last time you did something out of your comfort zone? What was it?
- What impact does the opinion of others have on you? Whose opinion do you care about the most?
- What or who couldn’t you imagine living without? Why?
- How do you support others who are having a tough time?
- What do you wish you could say “no” to more often? What do you wish you could say “yes” to more often?
- In what types of situations do you tend to overreact?
- Has there ever been a time that you haven't been able to forgive someone? Do you ever imagine a time that you'll reconcile?
- What’s the best gift you’ve ever received from someone else? What the best gift you've ever given?
- Have you ever pretended to be someone or something you’re not?
- What does “living an authentic life” mean to you?
- How can you learn to embrace your imperfections?
- What leaves you awestruck?
- Do you like yourself?
- How do you define self-love and self-worth?
- How do you process difficult emotions and when you're experiencing them, do you reach out to others for support?
- If your life was a book, what would the current chapter be called? Why?
- Is there someone or something you feel you need to apologize to and for? Why?
- If you were given the opportunity to see the future, would you take it? Why or why not?
- If a past version of yourself saw your present life, what would they think?
- What’s a desire that you rarely tell others, but wish they could know?
- Do you have a secret that you feel you can't share?
- Who has had the most impact on who you are right now?
- What do you consider most beautiful in this world?
- If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you'd do with the money and why?
- How do you define or describe “a good day”?
- What would you do if you had a week to do anything you wanted?
- If you could see the future, what would you be doing differently a year from now? The same?
- Ten years from now, what do you hope to be doing?
- Who do you know that cares for you most in this world and how do you know that? And, who are the people you most care about and why?
- Are you a risk-taker or do you prefer to stay in your comfort zone?
- Do you consider yourself a leader, or do you tend to go with the flow?
- Does the prospect of change scare you, or excite you?
- What’s one thing about you that you’ve never told anyone else?
- Who in your family are you the most similar to?
- Who was your role model growing up? Do you still look up to them as an adult?
- Do you tend to be more chaotic or organized?
- If you could witness one historical event, what would it be?
- What is the one material item you cherish most?
- What fictional character do you identify with the most?
- Do you remember your dreams in the morning?
- Who is the person you talk to most often?
- If you wrote a memoir, what would you title it?
- Which events or influences shaped who you are today?
- Are you self-motivated or externally motivated?
- If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would you choose?
- Tell me about your daily routine.
- Do you trust others easily? Why or why not?
- What makes a person trustworthy in your view?
- Who in your life understands you the most?
- Do you have a nickname?
- If you could permanently eliminate one household chore, which would it be?
- What is your biggest pet peeve?
- Do you consider yourself a pessimist or an optimist?
- Do you prefer to stay in or go out?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- Do you have a ‘happy place’? What does it look like?
- If you could travel back in time, what era would you visit?
- If you could change one thing about the past, what would it be?
- If money wasn’t a concern, what would you do with your life?
- What activities help you relax?
- What’s one topic you could talk about for hours?
- What is your favorite quote?
- Are you an early bird or a night owl?
- What makes you feel insecure?
- How long have you known your oldest friend?
- Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever seen one?
- If you could make one mythical creature real, which one would you choose?
- What was a moment in your life that truly humbled you?
- Do you collect anything?
- Do you think you’re becoming more like your parents as you age?
- Do you have a bucket list? What’s on it?
- What’s a phase of your life that makes you cringe looking back?
- Do you want to have children?
- What is your philosophy on parenting?
- Do you find your career fulfilling?
- If you’re in a bad mood, do you prefer to be alone or to have company?
- What is the most memorable mistake you’ve made in life?
- Do you believe in karma?
