100 questions for couples to ask at any point in their relationship

If a close, connected relationship is like a roaring fire, questions are akin to kindling.

Open-ended questions are invitations to get to know your partner in a more intimate way — even if you think it's nearly impossible to do so. As for relationships in danger or those drifting apart: Posing the right question at the right time is like reaching for your partner's hand when they need it most.

Relationship experts agree there’s no expiration date for this foundational practice of successful communication.

“Healthy relationships require a sense of curiosity about one another and an understanding that you can never know everything about your partner, as we as humans are constantly changing,” Kimberly Panganiban, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified Gottman couples therapist, tells TODAY.com.

Not sure where to start? Stick with relationship questions that begin with ‘what,” “how,” and “when," avoiding anything that starts off with “why” because it can come off as critical and judgmental, according to Liz Colizza, Director of Research and Programs at Talkspace and co-founder of the Lasting for Couples app. Your partner's answers will be telling, but Colizza adds that simply asking the questions "also communicates to your partner that you want to understand them better."

When we don’t feel known by our partner (ahem, red flag), Panganiban says it results in a sense of disconnect that can lead to a feeling of loneliness and make it difficult to do anything else in the relationship well, such as manage conflict and create a sense of shared meaning. “This is why it is so important to make time to communicate with your partner about things other than the daily schedules, routines, etc.”

With the help of Panganiban, Colizza, and Maggie Reyes, author of “The Questions for Couples Journal,” we’ve curated a list of 100 fun questions for couples to ask one another at any and every stage of their relationship. 

Consider tossing a few out during your next date night to see if sparks fly, deepen your bond or color in (or out!) of the lines your partner may have drawn you with.

1. How can I love you best in this season of life?
2. What activity makes you feel alive?
3. What is a dream you had that you were able to make come true?
4. What makes you feel refreshed after a long day?
5. What is something small that really makes your day?
6. Who is a person you’d love to see more? Why?
7. What’s one thing you view as overrated?
8. What books have shaped you as an adult?
9. What role does faith play in your life?
10. Where are the top three places in the U.S. you would like to visit?
11. What’s your favorite place in your hometown?
12. Have you ever had a pet you loved? Why did you love them?
13. What is a family tradition you remember growing up?
14. What is a team sport you’d love to participate in?
15. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?
16. What’s an embarrassing moment that happened to you recently?
17. If you went to a ski resort, would you spend the day on the slopes or cozy by a fire in a cabin? Why?
18. If you vacationed somewhere warm, would you spend more time on the beach or going on excursions (zip lining, hiking, checking out local wildlife, etc.)? Why?
19. If you could have any super power, what would it be?
20. What season provides your favorite kind of weather? What sights, tastes or smells can instantly transport you to that season?
21. If you had to do karaoke, what song would you pick to perform? Why?
22. What cartoon character do you see yourself in?
23. What are you working on now that you could use help with? How can I help?
24. What do you most enjoy about being in a relationship?
25. What advice would you give your younger self?
26. What kinds of activities make you feel the most like yourself? 
27. What stressors are taking up the most mental real estate right now?
28. What’s a cause you’d like to donate your time or resources toward?
29. If you could start a business, what service would you provide or what kinds of products would you sell?
30. How did the pandemic most impact you?
31. If fear didn’t hold you back, what would you pursue?
32. What do you think is key for healthy communication to exist?
33. What’s a leisurely activity you enjoy that you wish I was more into?
34.  What kind of lessons would you love to take?
35. What’s your favorite trait you hope I never lose?
36. If you could learn to cook any dish, what would you whip up?
37. What’s your idea of the perfect date?
38. If you could spend a whole day by yourself and free of limitations, how would you spend it?
39. What’s the first word that comes to your mind when you think of the current climate of our relationship? Why?
40. What’s a movie or sitcom you think captures the dynamic of our love story?
41. What do you want your life to be like three years from now?
42. What do you find exciting in life right now?
43. What are your biggest worries about the future?
44. Who are your best allies and closest friends right now? How can you make the most of those relationships?
45. How have you changed in the last year?
46.  What are some of your life dreams now?
47.  What adventures would you like to have before you die?
48. When did you last cry and what made you cry?
49. Who are the most important people in your life and why?
50. If you could live one other person’s life, whose life would you choose and why?
51. What were the highlights and lowlights of your adolescence?
52.  If you could wake up tomorrow with three new skills in which you excelled, what would they be and why?
53. In what areas do you think we are different and in what areas do you think we are similar?
54. What are your top three personal values and what makes them important to you?
55. When do you feel the most connected to me?
56. Do you know how to tell when I’m angry? What is it like for you?
57. What is your biggest regret?
58. How do you typically handle conflict? What informs your approach?
59. What household chore or task do you most dislike?
60. If you could jump on a plane tomorrow, where would you go?
61. What would you do if you won $100,000?
62. What was one of your favorite books as a child?
63. What’s something you are proud of?
64. How can I help or support you this week?
65. What brings you the most pleasure in our sex life?
66. When do you feel the most attractive?
67. What do you think is a lost art nowadays?
68. If you could change one thing about us as a couple, what would you change?
69. If you want children, what kind of parent do you want to be? How do you want your children to experience you?
70. How did your experience of your parents shape how you are feeling toward becoming/being a parent? What do you want to emulate from what your parents did? What do you want to do differently?
71. What do you want to feel more appreciated for?
72. What is the most challenging part of our relationship right now?
73.  Who do you admire? Why?
74.  What’s your happy place?
75. What haven’t you had time for lately that you would love to do soon?
76. If you could change one thing about where we live, what would it be?
77. What are your top 3 favorite movies? Singers/bands? TV shows?
78.  What drains you in relationships?
79. What was your favorite school trip or activity of all time? Why?
80. What teacher made the biggest impact on you? Why?
81. When you feel hopeless, what or who do you turn to?
82. What board game would you love to play?
83. If you could host a dinner party with five influential or famous people, who would they be? Up the ante by adding “dead or alive” to this one.
84. What aspect of nature is most awe-inspiring to you?
85. What role does social media play in your life?
86. How would you spend a technology-free day?
87. What do you love to shop for? What are your favorite stores?
88. What’s hard to shop for?
89. What are the top three gifts you’ve ever received?
90. What area would you like to be less critical of yourself in? How can I cheer you on in that area? 
91. What’s a challenge you overcame that helped boost your confidence in a particular area of your life?
92. What’s something that made you laugh so hard you cried?
93. In what area of your life could you use a coach or a mentor?
94. When was the last time you bragged about me? To whom? Why?
95. What form of injustice most grieves you? Why? What’s one thing you can do about it?
96.  What is the best piece of advice someone ever gave you?
97. What does being a good friend to you look like?
98. Considering the five love languages (physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time and receiving gifts), which “language” were you most spoken in growing up? What language do you most speak now? Can you rank them in order of preference?
99. What helps you feel emotionally or physically safe?
100. At your eulogy, how would you like to be remembered? How can you live more in light of those desired descriptors?