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145 questions for couples to ask at any point in their relationship

Whether it's at date night or the dinner table, deepen your bond by asking these expert-approved Qs.
A young couple sit at a dining table sipping hot drinks and flirt.
Catherine Falls Commercial / Getty Images

Open-ended questions flick on the lights of who we are for others to fully see our passions, personality and preferences.

They can also offer clarity and context, annihilating assumptions we may carry about another. For these reasons and more, relationship experts champion the practice of couples asking open-ended questions at any point in their relationship.

“Learning to ask your partner open-ended questions is an important habit of successful communication,” says Liz Colizza, Director of Research and Programs at Talkspace and co-founder of the Lasting for Couples app. “Questions communicate to your partner that you are curious about who they are and that you want to understand them better.”

Whether you and your significant other are a seasoned couple or in the early stages of dating, asking open-ended questions can provide pathways to get to know your partner in a deeper way.

It's a relationship-boosting practice with long-term benefits, according to Maggie Reyes, author of “The Questions for Couples Journal.” Thoughtful questions can help couples break out of the minutiae of managing everyday life and instead invest into what experts call a cornerstone of healthy romantic relationships: Friendship.

But this practice shouldn’t feel like an interrogation. Colizza suggests asking relationship questions that begin with ‘what,” “how,” and “when,” and avoiding anything that starts off with “why” because those inquiries can come off as critical and judgmental. 

“When you can become curious about your partner, making time for open dialogue and getting to know one another on a deeper level, you are solidifying your connection and bond, which will help you maintain a strong relationship for a lifetime,” Kimberly Panganiban, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified Gottman couples therapist, tells TODAY.com.

Asking questions in every season of your relationship can also help reduce the likelihood of cheating or an affair, according to Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert.

“Many couples come to me because of infidelity and a lot of it is because of that autopilot,” Sussman, who is also the author of “The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce”, tells TODAY.com. An “autopilot relationship” is one in which couples have grown so comfortable in routines that they take each other’s hopes, dreams and growth for granted.

With the help of experts, we’ve rounded up 145 relationship-boosting questions for couples to ask one another at every stage of their relationship. You can use this list as a tool to thoughtfully go beyond small talk on your next date night, deepen your bond at the dinner table or reconnect if your relationship is on rocky ground.

  1. How can I love you best in this season of life?
  2. What activity makes you feel alive?
  3. What is a dream you had that you were able to make come true?
  4. What makes you feel refreshed after a long day?
  5. What is something small that really makes your day?
  6. If you could be famous for anything, what would it be?
  7. Who is a person you’d love to see more? Why?
  8. What’s one thing you view as overrated?
  9. What books have shaped you as an adult?
  10. What are the nicknames you've had in the past? Who called you what and why did the name stick?
  11. Is there an album you listened to growing up that you never tire of?
  12. Where are the top three places in the U.S. you would like to visit?
  13. What's the kindest act you've ever done for someone? What's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for you?
  14. What’s your favorite place in your hometown?
  15. Have you ever had a pet you loved? Why did you love them?
  16. What is a family tradition you remember growing up?
  17. What is a team sport you’d love to participate in?
  18. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?
  19. What’s an embarrassing moment that happened to you recently?
  20. What's one book that left a lasting impact on you?
  21. What role does faith play in your life?
  22. What's the one aspect of life you'd like to explore more in therapy if you had the chance?
  23. If you went to a ski resort, would you spend the day on the slopes or cozy by a fire in a cabin? Why?
  24. If you vacationed somewhere warm, would you spend more time on the beach or going on excursions (zip lining, hiking, checking out local wildlife, etc.)? Why?
  25. If you could have any super power, what would it be?
  26. What season provides your favorite kind of weather?
  27. What sights, tastes or smells can instantly transport you back to your childhood?
  28. What do you think is our generation's greatest struggle compared to older and younger ones?
  29. If you had to do karaoke, what song would you pick to perform? Why?
  30. What cartoon character do you see yourself in?
  31. Is there anything about our relationship that's hard for you to talk about? Why? What can I do to make that topic easier to broach?
  32. What are you working on now that you could use help with? How can I help?
  33. What do you most enjoy about being in a relationship?
  34. What advice would you give your younger self?
  35. What kinds of activities make you feel the most like yourself? 
  36. What stressors are taking up the most mental real estate right now?
  37. What’s a cause you’d like to donate your time or resources toward?
  38. If you could start a business, what service would you provide or what kinds of products would you sell?
  39. How did the pandemic most impact you?
  40. If fear didn’t hold you back, what would you pursue?
  41. What do you think is key for healthy communication to exist?
  42. What’s a leisurely activity you enjoy that you wish I was more into?
  43.  What kind of lessons would you love to take?
  44. What’s your favorite trait you hope I never lose?
  45. If you could learn to cook any dish, what would you whip up?
  46. What’s your idea of the perfect date?
  47. What after-school activity do you wish you would have had or stuck with if you could turn back the hands of time?
  48. If you could spend a whole day by yourself and free of limitations, how would you spend it?
  49. What’s the first word that comes to your mind when you think of the current climate of our relationship? Why?
  50. What’s a movie or sitcom you think captures the dynamic of our love story?
  51. What do you want your life to be like three years from now?
  52. What do you find exciting in life right now?
  53. What are your biggest worries about the future?
  54. Who are your best allies and closest friends right now? How can you make the most of those relationships?
  55. How have you changed in the last year?
  56.  What are some of your life dreams now?
  57.  What adventures would you like to have before you die?
  58. When did you last cry and what made you cry?
  59. Who are the most important people in your life and why?
  60. If you could live one other person’s life, whose life would you choose and why?
  61. What were the highlights and lowlights of your adolescence?
  62.  If you could wake up tomorrow with three new skills in which you excelled, what would they be and why?
  63. In what areas do you think we are different and in what areas do you think we are similar?
  64. What are your top three personal values and what makes them important to you?
  65. When do you feel the most connected to me?
  66. What is a lie about yourself that you sometimes find yourself believing? What truth can you choose to think on instead?
  67. Do you know how to tell when I’m angry? What is it like for you?
  68. What is your biggest regret?
  69. How do you typically handle conflict? What informs your approach?
  70. What household chore or task do you most dislike?
  71. If you could jump on a plane tomorrow, where would you go?
  72. What would you do if you won $500,000?
  73. What was one of your favorite books as a child?
  74. What’s something you are proud of?
  75. How can I help or support you this week?
  76. What brings you the most pleasure in our sex life?
  77. Is there anything new you want to try in our sex life? If so, what?
  78. When do you feel the most attractive?
  79. What do you think is a lost art nowadays?
  80. If you could change one thing about us as a couple, what would you change?
  81. If you want children, what kind of parent do you want to be? How do you want your children to experience you?
  82. In your opinion, what does it mean to be a good partner?
  83. How did your experience of your parents shape how you are feeling toward becoming/being a parent? What do you want to emulate from what your parents did? What do you want to do differently?
  84. What do you want to feel more appreciated for?
  85. What is the most challenging part of our relationship right now?
  86.  Who do you admire? Why?
  87. What would your perfect day look like? Who would you visit and what would you do?
  88.  What’s your happy place?
  89. What haven’t you had time for lately that you would love to do soon?
  90. If you could change one thing about where we live, what would it be?
  91. What are your top 3 favorite movies? Singers/bands? TV shows?
  92.  What drains you in relationships?
  93. What was your favorite school trip or activity of all time? Why?
  94. What teacher made the biggest impact on you? Why?
  95. When you feel hopeless, what or who do you turn to?
  96. What board game would you love to play?
  97. If you could host a dinner party with five influential or famous people, who would they be? Up the ante by adding “dead or alive” to this one.
  98. What aspect of nature is most awe-inspiring to you?
  99. What role does social media play in your life?
  100. How would you spend a technology-free day?
  101. What do you love to shop for? What are your favorite stores?
  102. What’s hard to shop for?
  103. What are the top three gifts you’ve ever received?
  104. What area would you like to be less critical of yourself in? How can I cheer you on in that area? 
  105. What’s a challenge you overcame that helped boost your confidence in a particular area of your life?
  106. What’s something that made you laugh so hard you cried?
  107. In what area of your life could you use a coach or a mentor?
  108. When was the last time you bragged about me? To whom? Why?
  109. What form of injustice most grieves you? Why? What’s one thing you can do about it?
  110. What's something you'll never throw away? Why is that thing so valuable to you?
  111.  What is the best piece of advice someone ever gave you?
  112. What does being a good friend to you look like?
  113. Considering the five love languages (physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time and receiving gifts), which “language” were you most spoken in growing up? What language do you most speak now? Can you rank them in order of preference?
  114. What helps you feel emotionally or physically safe?
  115. At your eulogy, how would you like to be remembered? How can you live more in light of those desired descriptors
  116. What’s the question you’re dying to be asked?
  117. What villain do you have the most compassion for?
  118. What’s one look you’ve always wanted to try? What has stopped you from just going for it?
  119. Who is your most beloved friend from your childhood? How would they describe you back then?
  120. What tastes, smells and sounds feel like home?
  121. What are you afraid of? What’s one small thing that can help you work through that fear?
  122.  Where and with whom have you felt like you most belong?
  123. What do people most often misunderstand about you? What would it sound like to set the record straight?
  124. When do you think I look the sexiest?
  125. What is a sweet gesture I’ve made that stayed with you long after I did it? Why do you think it meant so much to you?
  126.  What’s something we used to do that you wish we’d do more of or what’s something you’d love for us to do that we haven’t done yet?
  127. What does the absolute best day at work look like for you?
  128. What are code words or gestures we can come up with to save each other from stressful social situations?
  129. Who were your childhood heroes? 
  130. Who is someone you would like to mentor, encourage or bless financially? How can we make that happen together? 
  131. What’s something expensive that you think is totally worth every cent?
  132. What’s one thing you need to forgive yourself for? What has made that process challenging?
  133. What is one toxic thought that hinders you from living a healthier or happier life? How can you redirect your mind with truth when a lie assaults your peace?
  134. What is an affirmation you have a hard time believing for yourself? What could help you along your self-love journey?
  135. If you could ask God any question, what would it be?
  136.  In what ways or areas do you feel I help boost your self confidence?
  137. What’s your favorite holiday? Do you have any traditions that make that time of year or day special?
  138. What’s a personality trait or skill I possess that you wish you had?
  139. What are some ways you can add margin to your life?
  140. When was the last time you were afraid to do something and you did it anyway?
  141.  What’s a global issue you wish could solve? Why does that particular issue stir you up?
  142. When was there a time you experienced an unexplainable coincidence, act of fate or “God moment?”
  143. What would you describe as magical?
  144. What’s a popular food or drink that you absolutely can’t stand or could do without? (Pumpkin Spice lattes aren’t for everyone.)
  145.  If you were deserted on an island for 72 hours and could only watch one movie, what would you watch? Why?