Kody Brown struggles to contain his inner "gremlin" and resist the urge to be "mean as hell" as he navigates his fractured plural marriages in the latest episode of "Sister Wives."
Last week, the 54-year-old and his second wife, Janelle Brown, had a blowout fight that ended with the father of 18 walking out. This week's episode, titled "A Deal with the Devil," follows Kody Brown as he fights back against his inner demons.
While going for a drive with a friend, the reality star says he's succumbing negativity he's feeling following his divorce with Christine Brown and his looming marital issues with Janelle Brown.
"I just want to be a d--- for a little while, you know?" he says.
Kody then elaborates on his statement in a private confessional.
"I want to grow horns right now so bad. I wanna say mean things. I wanna be a jack---. It's just like this urge to just , you know, be the ass--- she said I was. Like, 'Oh you think I'm an ass----? Well I'll show you an ass----,'" he says."
Back in the car, the reality star admits that he isn't exactly proud of how he's feeling right now.
"I don't like who I am ... When you talk about a gremlin, I've got a gremlin inside of me," he says.
In his confessional, Kody Brown says he's handling the "deepest temptations I've had in my whole life" and calls the experience "devastating."
"There's this urge that I'm seriously fighting. It's like deep in me. It's ugly, it's sinister and that's the wolf you wanna starve. But that urge to do it, to just be mean as hell, just has gotten in me and it's a fight," he says.
The reality star explains that he has "worked so hard to do what was right" and feels like he's "failed."
"You get in this place where it's like, 'Well, I should just be the devil I think I am now,'" he says.
Still, Kody Brown acknowledges that his dark thoughts do concern him.
"This is stuff that I should just be keeping to myself. I don't want Robyn (his fourth wife) to see this. I don't want her to know how dark I've gotten," he says.
Meanwhile, Robyn Brown shares her own perspective on her husband's growing anger, and how it's affected their relationship, in a separate confessional.
“We’ve never had as many problems as we’re having right now in our marriage. He’s suspicious of anybody being disloyal to him. He’s directing that at me. It’s like I don’t recognize him. I don’t really recognize him right now and I’ve never seen him like this before," she says.
In his confessional, Kody Brown says he'd like to step away from the chaos his family is currently experiencing.
"I just have this gut thing ... it's like I’d like to run away from my life, just escape, change my name, disappear, be somebody else. I just, I hate my life right now,” he says.
Earlier this season, Kody Brown also opened up about the "evil thoughts" he had about his ex-wife Christine Brown. The subject came up in a confessional interview after he met with her for the first time after their divorce.
In return, Christine Brown said she knew that her ex-husband is angry in her own confessional.
“I’ve known that Kody’s been mad for a long time. I mean it’s just obvious, he just is always mad,” she said.