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Maybe it's because the length of my shorts had to pass "the finger test" for my entire K-12 education. Or maybe it's because I'm a huge "The Dukes of Hazzard" fan. Whatever the reason, most of the shorts I've bought as an adult have barely covered my bum.
Still, as I hit 30 years old and brace myself for the "problem areas" that a slower metabolism might eventually reveal, I've decided to invest in shorts that would help slim instead of show more skin. Here's what I learned after just a week of owning my first pair of "adult" shorts.
When it comes to shorts, less isn't always more
I used to think that less fabric was more my style. However, as I compared my distressed denim cutoffs with these sleek slimming shorts, I realized my style has evolved. I now prefer professional to playful, and I also believe in leaving more to the imagination.
Ironically, these shorts have more fabric yet cost less than my usual denim cutoffs. These slimming shorts with a 5-inch inseam were only $32. My denim cutoffs? I paid $50 for them and they only have a 2.5-inch inseam!
I want shorts I can wear anywhere
I don't really have the budget, or closet space, to have several different pairs of shorts for going to the beach, shopping for groceries, lounging around the house and wearing to church. That's why these shorts are perfect. They have front and back pockets and come in 27 different colors and prints, though I went with the charcoal shade so they would match everything in my closet. They're also long enough that I can wear them to visit my 90-year-old grandma, or to Trader Joe's where I'm always standing on my tiptoes or bending over to reach those top and bottom shelves.
I want shorts that feel like I could do the splits in them
I can't do the splits. I will probably never be able to do the splits. Still, I want forgiving shorts that move with me. I love wearing these to the dog park because, in one giant step, I can climb up onto obstacles (and get away from the little ankle-biters) without the fear of splitting my shorts.
In fact, these almost feel like athletic shorts thanks to the spandex fabric. Better yet, they also dry like athletic shorts. I've spilled water on them and they were dry just five minutes later. That said, you can't tumble dry these shorts because they'll shrink, but this isn't a deal-breaker — I have the perfect drying rack with plenty of room.
I want shorts that flatter
If I keep eating like I've been eating lately, I might gain the "quarantine 15." I'm not terribly worried about getting bigger, but I want to make sure my clothes are working for me, not against me. What's great about these shorts is the "body contour design." The high waist hugs my hips and flattens my stomach. Because the fabric is so comfortable and the buttons are faux — yes, these are pull-on shorts — I don't feel like I'm being constricted in any way.
These shorts open to a wider leg with metallic snap-tab accents, so my legs look trimmer than they would in regular shorts. If I wear these after applying my favorite fake tanner that makes my legs look more toned, I might even be tempted to use the "legs for days" hashtag.
What I definitely won't be tempted to do is go back to wearing my old shorts. Who wears short shorts? Not me. Not anymore.
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