As the fourth oldest of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's 19 children, Jill Dillard was given a lot of responsibility for her siblings.
For years, viewers watched the family's life unfold through a series of television programs on TLC. And as one of the older children, Jill was in charge of several younger siblings in her in what the family called her "buddy group." Some of her duties as the leader of her buddy group were to dress, feed and entertain the younger children.
Now married with three sons of her own, Jill is speaking out about her upbringing in a book she co-authored with her husband Derick Dillard and writer Craig Borlase. In their New York Times bestseller "Counting the Cost," Jill said that her home life wasn't as nearly as rosy as it seemed on television.
Jill was the first daughter to get married, and she was 18 years older than her youngest sibling. Knowing how much the younger kids looked up to their sister, Jill says her parents were not thrilled when she started making decisions they didn’t agree with.
On a recent episode of Kate Casey's "Reality Life" podcast, Jill said that her parents put "pressure" on her to behave a certain way. "'Look how you're leading. You're going to lead your younger siblings astray,'" she says her parents told her in response to some of her actions, such as choosing to wear pants rather than long skirts or dresses.
"That burden is not mine to bear," Jill countered. "You put me in this position of ... influence with my younger siblings, and now you're afraid of the result of that."
Derick jumped to Jill's defense, saying that Jim Bob and Michelle were telling his wife, "'You’re leading your 6-year-old sister astray because she looks up to you like a parent and now you’re choosing to wear pants. We don’t agree with wearing pants. So this is your fault.'"
"In reality, it's the parents' responsibility," he said.
Jill and her 18 siblings rose to fame as part of TLC’s popular series “19 Kids And Counting,” which chronicled the life of her parents as they raised a very large family in Arkansas. The show was canceled in 2015, after her brother Josh Duggar admitted to molesting several of his sisters. Jill went on to star in her own spinoff series from 2015-2020.
Josh Duggar was later convicted in a separate case of possessing child sex abuse images, and is serving time in federal prison.
TODAY.com reached out to Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar for comment following the publication of Jill's memoir. The couple did not respond, but shared a statement with People: “We love all of our children very much. As with any family, few things are more painful than conflicts or problems among those you love. We’ve aimed to deal honorably with our children, our finances, and our other endeavors. While imperfect, it is our intent and desire to live a life that honors Christ. We do not believe the best way to resolve conflicts, facilitate forgiveness and reconciliation, or to communicate through difficulties is through the media or in a public forum so we will not comment. As the future unfolds, we will continue to love our family, pray for them, and enjoy every moment gifted to us to be parents and grandparents.”
Jill said she doesn't necessarily want her siblings to follow her lead. "It's a journey for everyone and not everybody's going to arrive at the same conclusion," she said.
"These are real people, people that I love — my siblings, my parents. I have great relationships with some of my siblings," she said on the podcast. "Other ones, it's a little strained and sometimes complicated, but I extend a lot of grace because I have been in their shoes before."
