TODAY | May 20, 2013
>> that's a mom war.
>> i didn't drive a minivan. i refused to drive a minivan.
>> do you know a thing about minivans? the minimum looks just like a pregnant woman, right? when the doors open up and the kids pile out. it's like the van is giving birth.
>> i find them very convenient.
>> they're very convenient, but not cool.
>> what took you to jersey in the first place.
>> i had been working in the city and quit my job to someday home with my son. because clearly the nanny was having more fun than i was. and we couldn't afford to stay in the city and i felt like i was blowing it by not being home with him. it was about switching from having a career to being a mom.
>> your identity changed.
>> yeah. and all of a sudden you used to be wearing cool clothes and have this great job title and you're in the money. and then you're home and you're like covered in goop all the time and you're buying your jeans out of the bin at costco. and --
>> everything has elastic on it.
>> you have a time to take a potty break, that require as zipper.
>> did you find humor in it? were you resenting it?
>> i think in the beginning it's hard, you're so exhausted. it's hard to see the humor in it. after you get a little bit of time, you start to realize how funny kids are. and they really are, they're hilarious.
>> you see the videos you post on the air.
>> you're the best.
>> and then it was working out so well had you another one. so now you were realizing --
>> well you know, the second one we should have named oops. but --
>> you know in new jersey this trend where they name babies after the places where they were conceived. we thought we'll name our kids harrah's resort and casino.
>> in the commercial break i'll tell you a joke about that.
>> then you happone of your sons happened upon your vibrator.
>> it's called a personal massager. using it for my back. i had no idea it had other uses. i left it in the bed one morning. i can't believe i'm talking about it on national television.
>> you wrote about it.
>> i did, but he didn't know. so yeah he found it and he's like three years old and he's like what's this, mommy?
>> you are darth vader .
>> how did you explain it?
>> i said it's a massager for my back. so there's my son holding this giant vibrator.
>> so you lie to your children?
>> don't we all lie to our children. we tell them how cute they were when they were little. no, they were like monkeys, are you kidding?
>> how did you manage to get your cool back?
>> it was a process. first i realized i had turned into this person i didn't want to be, i was wearing the mom jeans and the hair scrunchies.
>> did that affect your marriage?
>> being uncool?
>> yes. did your husband still desire you the same way?
>> oh yeah, that's why i had the vibrator in the bed.
>> he's here, by the way.
>> what a cue, fantastic.
>> he's like the mini me. there was the hot momma he married and the real momma and all of these evolutions. but i think part of getting my cool back was about realizing how funny kids are and also starting to do something which was writing. that was really just for me. to channel it.
>> and where am i working?
>> at home.
>> i write a syndicated humor column that runs across the country. kind a very erma bombbeck thing.
>> we got your number.
>> i saw your coconuts, i was like yeah, mine are kind of down here.
>> they get heavier with age.