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Kourtney Kardashian says ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ became ‘toxic environment’ for her

Kardashian says she "wasn’t in the happiest place" by the time her family wrapped up their long-running reality show.
2018 E! People's Choice Awards - Show
Kendall Jenner, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian and Kris Jenner accept The Reality Show of 2018 award for "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" during the 2018 E! People's Choice Awards.Alberto Rodriguez / NBC

After 14 years, 20 seasons and innumerable sibling spats, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” ended its unforgettable run last spring.

And it wasn’t a moment too soon for Kourtney Kardashian.

Now, just a month before the famous family is set to launch their next reality TV show, Hulu’s “The Kardashians,” the eldest sister is speaking out about why she’s glad their original series is finally over.

“Shooting our show, it became a really toxic environment at the end for me,” the 42-year-old explained in a new interview with Bustle. “I would fight with my sisters. There was, like, just a lot going on. And even for me personally, I wasn’t in the happiest place.” 

2019 E! People's Choice Awards - Red Carpet
Kourtney Kardashian arrives to the E! People's Choice Awards on Nov. 10, 2019.Christopher Polk / NBC

In particular, she felt the version of reality that made it to TV didn't offer a real view of who she is.

“I felt like I was being almost a character,” she recalled. “‘This is Kourtney, and she’s in a bad mood, so even though she was laughing really at lunch, we’re going to cut out the laughing and let’s only use the annoying comment that she said.’”

Celebrity Sightings - Bauer-Griffin - 2012
Kim Kardashian and her sister Kourtney Kardashian are seen filming scenes for "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" in Miami in 2012. Bauer-Griffin / GC Images

She knew that the editing created the appearance of her having a negative attitude, so she found herself trying to fake a better attitude to somehow seem more real.

“I would give myself a pep talk before walking in,” she said. “Like, say we were shooting at Khloé’s house. I’d be like, ‘It’s going to be a good day. Let’s have a good mood. Let’s put a smile on our face.’”

In short, it didn't work. She didn't really look happy, and she came to realize that she wasn't really happy — and that's OK.

“I see the growth that comes from those unhappy places which make it all worth it," Kardashian said.

But what makes it worth it to go through it all again on another reality series? For one thing, when she smiles now, it's genuine.

She's working more than ever with her lifestyle brand, Poosh; she's engaged to marry partner Travis Barker; and the mother of three feels recharged after taking a break from the old show — and a break from the bickering that came with it.

It's all helped her realize that she actually enjoys working alongside her siblings.

“There’s no one I’d rather spend time with than my sisters,” she said.

And she added, "Workwise, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

Fans will get to see for themselves when "The Kardashians" hits Hulu April 14.