Kelly Clarkson is getting candid about her divorce from ex-husband Brandon Blackstock, and why she chose to stay in the marriage as long as she did.
The Grammy winner and “Kelly Clarkson Show” host, 41, opened up about the couple's painful split during the latest episode of Glennon Doyle’s “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast.
Clarkson revealed that she was reluctant to call it quits with Blackstock partly because she believed she was strong enough to fix the problems in their marriage.
"I'm like, 'I can do this. I can handle so much.' My ego is like, 'I can control my actions. I can control my reactions. I can do this and I can reach this person and I can get through,'" explained the "Mine" singer.
"It becomes a little bit of your ego that gets in the way," she added.
The former “Voice” coach filed for divorce from Blackstock in June 2020 after nearly seven years of marriage. The exes reached a settlement in March 2022 and now share joint custody of their children, daughter River Rose, 9, and son Remy, 7.
Clarkson, whose parents divorced when she was a child, said she and Blackstock didn’t want their kids to grow up the children of divorce.
“We don’t want to do what we saw done,” she said, adding, “I’m like, ‘I don’t want my kids to be be those kids at school.’”
The “Piece By Piece” singer said she worried that if she and Blackstock parted ways, her kids would be deprived of certain milestones.
“When you come down to it, like daddy-daughter dances and you don’t have anyone show up,” she said, adding, “You have to think of all those things.”
Clarkson also quoted her therapist, who told her, "It's OK for (your kids) to see you struggling. That's life."
Later during the conversation, Clarkson said that her relationship with Blackstock was the first real adult relationship she'd ever had.
"I literally was like basically single until like 30 ... I just mean like, real relationships, it's really only him," she said. "I'm pretty good at rocking life like a loner."
As for being on her own again? Clarkson said her new relationship status has felt "freeing."
"Sometimes it's nice just to be alone and just in your own world and experiencing your own bliss," said the singer, who described herself as as a "walking empath" who often puts the needs of others before her own.
Still, Clarkson recalled the spark of lust she felt when she first laid eyes on Blackstock.
"The first time I met my ex, he passed by me and I felt altered," she said. "Like I felt different. It's like, 'Wait, what?' ... I've never felt that before. I mean like, 'I will take your clothes off with my teeth.'"
Knowing that a "carnal" attraction like that can exist, Clarkson said she's reluctant now to "settle" for anything less.
"Because we deserve that," she said. "It's just a beautiful high ... There's just nothing like it."
When it comes to her love life these days, Clarkson said she's in no rush to date again. In fact, she was appalled when friends tried to set her up as soon as her split with Blackstock went public.
"I'm like, 'Are you insane?' the singer recalled, joking, "'It better be a really good therapist. Like I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I'm still processing.'"
Clarkson said that she's not so sure she'd tie the knot again in the future. The singer recalled a recent conversation she had with her mom about marriage.
"I was like, it's not that I'm against marriage. I think marriage is beautiful. I think it's amazing. I just don't think it necessarily is for everyone," she said.
Toward the end of the podcast episode, Clarkson shared the valuable lesson she learned from her marriage to Blackstock.
"To boil it down, I feel like it's to not only be honest about those that are around me but honest about myself. I think it's honesty," she said.
She added, "I think we mold things and shape them to justify them instead of just being truly honest about what's happening."
Clarkson describes her upcoming album, "Chemistry," as the "arc of an entire relationship."