Can we take off our "supermom" hats?
It's an idea proposed by author and podcast host Laura Danger who renounced the "do it all" mindset of many mothers in a new TikTok video with more than 36,000 views.
"I will fight anyone in the street who calls me a supermom," the Chicago-based mother of two said in the video. "I'm not a supermom. I never want to be a supermom. I never want anyone to refer to me as 'So strong,' 'Jack of all trades,' 'We literally couldn't do it without her' (and) 'If you weren't here, everything would fall apart.'"
"I never want to be so essential to an organization or a group or even my family that everything relies on me," added Danger. "I want to be important enough that I matter and I want to bring something to the table but I do not want to be the one sustaining anything. I do not want to be so strong. I want to live a life of ease. I want to feel empowered to rest."
Danger continued, "If you were to match the energy and effort being put in by other people and give just as much as them and the whole thing would fall apart, you were overcompensating to a point that it was unsustainable."
"If you are the thing keeping it all together," she said, "it was never sustainable."
Danger tells TODAY.com that she was inspired to create the video after seeing a male TikToker praising women for their "sacrifices.""It made me upset — we have to push past that," she says. "The progress that's been made over the past 20 or 30 years has only been to acknowledge the work of women, especially women of color and single parents who work long hours" as opposed to introducing policies that make moms' lives easier (equal pay, affordable childcare, paid maternity leave).
Danger notes that many of these women often pick up a "second shift" at home.
According to The Center for American Progress, the "second shift" unfolds at the end of the day when employed women take on more household and childcare labor than their partners. Fathers, however, "report more leisure time than mothers, and less of their leisure time is spent providing care to children," states the institute.
"Having this labor feminized and seen as natural along with the myth of the maternal instinct, makes it invisible," says Danger. "Women then internalize the idea that they're biologically made for these roles."
Danger, author of the upcoming book “No More Mediocre," refers to research from the University of Michigan showing that simply marrying a man creates an additional seven hours of housework per week.
"And the situation gets worse for women when they have children," Frank Stafford, a professor of economics at the university, said in a press release.
"Many parents are desperate for acknowledgement," says Danger. "We need more cultural examples of true equality in a partnership."