In a shockingly raw Instagram video, Valerie Bertinelli, 64, confessed that it was "not easy" for her to watch the episode of "Behind the Music" that profiled her 33-year-old son, musician Wolfgang Van Halen.
"I stopped it many times because it was just too brutal to watch," she said, speaking directly to the camera.
Bertinelli was married to rock legend Eddie Van Halen from 1981 until 2007. After a vicious battle with cancer, he died in 2020 at age 65. Wolfgang Van Halen was their only child.
"Seeing Wolfie's pain" made it difficult for Bertinelli to watch the episode. She also had a hard time acknowledging "what a better job I could have done as a parent, even though he turned out magnificently. I made a lot of mistakes."
Bertinelli seemed to regret turning her marriage to the rock star into "some sort of fantasy soulmate recreation of history" because in reality, the marriage "rapidly declined into drugs and alcohol and infidelity."
Though she didn't get a "soulmate" from her marriage, she did get Wolfie.
"What we had together was this beautiful son that we both unconditionally loved," she said. "That's what I got out of that marriage — it was Wolfie — the best thing that ever happened to me."
Her son, the songwriter, vocalist, and multi-instrumentalist of the solo band Mammoth WVH, shared the trailer for the episode of "Behind the Music" with his Instagram followers.
He added this caption: "I had the honor of being asked to tell my story on Behind The Music. It was difficult, but also incredibly cathartic being able to reflect on my experiences, the incredible people I’m blessed to have in my life and most importantly, my bond with my father. I don’t normally talk so openly about things, so this was new for me."
