The internet has been abuzz in the last few months as "eldest daughters," the oldest female siblings in families, have been collectively realizing that they have a lot in common.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton broke down the eight signs of “eldest daughter syndrome” in a TikTok video that has been viewed over 6 million times. She was recently featured in a New York Times article titled, "Why your big sis resents you," and she stopped by Studio 1A to talk to the TODAY anchors about eldest daughters and birth order.
According to Morton, the eight signs that you have "eldest daughter syndrome" are as follows:
- You have an intense feeling of responsibility
- You are an overachiever, Type A and very driven
- You worry a lot and probably have anxiety
- You struggle with people-pleasing behaviors
- You have a hard time placing and upholding boundaries
- You resent your siblings and family
- You struggle with feelings of guilt
- You have a difficult time in your adult relationships
Cautioning that “eldest daughter syndrome” is not an official mental health diagnosis, Morton defined it as “the unique pressures and responsibilities placed onto the oldest daughter in the family.”
And oldest sisters everywhere can relate. Big time.
Through memes, essays and online commentary, eldest daughters have reveled in the acknowledgement of their often-stressful position in the family.
Eldest daughters even have support groups, like the one run by licensed marriage and family therapist Sara Stanizai.
Her support group website notes that eldest daughters often act as "bonus parents" who act as the bridge between their families and the outside world. They bear the brunt of financial and social pressures on parents and take on the mental and emotional labor of the household. Finding support and validation from other eldest daughters can help.
"Hearing each others' stories and also being heard ... what that's really telling you is you're not abnormal," Stanizai said in a virtual interview with TODAY.
Morton, who tried to guess the TODAY hosts' birth order based on their personality traits, said her TikTok post likely struck a nerve "because it spoke to people about a specific issue that they couldn't put their finger on." Viewers felt a sense of relieve that they could finally say to themselves, "I'm not alone. It's not me being crazy. I'm just the oldest daughter."
"We love talking about birth order and it feels real," Savannah Guthrie said to Morton, "but is there any research on this?"
"There's a lot of research, but it's mixed at best," replied Morton. "In psychology, the tricky thing is there's not always a number you can put to something and have quantitative metrics ... it really is dependent on the person and the family dynamics and how involved the parents were."
For the record, Savannah and Carson Daly are the youngest in their families, while Hoda Kotb and Sheinelle Jones are middle children.
Morton guessed that Al Roker was the youngest child in his family. Al replied, "I'm the oldest. And that's why mom loved me best."
