Have you ever told your spouse you paid less for something than you actually did? Have you ever lied on your tax return or padded your expense report? You are certainly not alone. Jean Chatzky, “Today” financial contributor and Money magazine editor-at-large, was invited on the show to discuss money secrets.
In a new Money magazine survey conducted by Matthew Greenwald & Associates, more than half of the adults surveyed with household incomes of $50,000 owned up to at least one kind of money secret or lie.
Why do we tell these lies?
When we looked over the data, we could see that these deceptions had less to do with greed than simple insecurity. We want people to see us as we wish we were — richer, smarter, more competent and more secure. And money, because it is such a sensitive issue, is one of the ways we are judged on all of these things. More than half the people who took our survey told us that money is a sensitive issue in their household, just slightly less sensitive then sex, but much more sensitive than politics and religion.
Let’s look at some of the most common secrets and lies, what they say about us, and what we can learn from them:
Here's a doozy, 44 percent of people believe that it's OK to keep financial secrets from their spouse, at least under certain circumstances.
Salary
When most of us grew up, the question of how much someone earned (even a parent, sibling or good friend) was something you didn't ask because it was rude. But we didn't expect that sort of secrecy to carry between spouses — it does. Twenty-two percent of people today say they don't discuss how much they make with anyone, even their spouse. Why is that? Experts say that most of us like people to believe we make more than we do, and not discussing it is one way to maintain that image.
Spending
Forty-six percent of spouses say they've lied to their partner about a specific purchase, telling their partner they spent less on it than they actually did. If you shop enough, you can see this happening. I talked to a sales clerk who said women often put half a purchase on a credit card and pay for the rest in cash because they don't want their husbands to know how much things cost. There's a big gender split here.
Women tell lies about clothing, shoes and gifts. Men tell lies about car paraphernalia, entertainment and sports tickets.
Sixteen percent of married respondents have hidden purchases outright. Husbands and wives were both guilty of this practice, but guys turned out to be the bigger ticket spenders. Twice as many men as women say they've spent more than $1,000 without their spouse's knowledge. Most women say the most they've spent without telling their husbands was $100.
Why do we tell these spending lies?
Forty-three percent of people say to avoid conflict and keep peace in the household. Among the people who've hidden purchases, nearly half say they did it to avoid a spouse's anger, disapproval or lecturing.
Slush Funds
A product of the spending lies? A slush fund. Although it's not all that common, we learned, to have a stash of money that's completely secret — it turns out to be quite the norm to keep the balances in your separate account to yourself. In other words, one partner doesn't know how much the other partner has to his or her name.
Lies to friends
In today's world, it's very common to try to keep up appearances for your friends and neighbors. We learned in the study that 29 percent say they're guilty of faking their lifestyle. They live above their means to try to convince friends and family that they're doing better, financially than they actually are. One respondent — a young woman — told us that she carries this off by picking up rounds of drinks for friends, spending more on clothing and entertainment than she can afford and carrying a lot of credit card debt. "I worry that people think: If she can't manage her finances, how can she manage her job?" she says.
Lies to the government
Lying on your tax return is fairly common as well. Ten percent of the people who took our survey say they've understated their income to the IRS as a way of paying fewer taxes. Twelve percent say they've overstated their deductions.
Lies to an employer
Lying to an employer is not all that common, so your boss can breathe a sigh of relief. Less than 10 percent of people fess up to padding an expense report or to telling a prospective employer that they earn more on their current job than they actually do.
Are there some lies that actually make sense to keep?
Absolutely. Don't tell a job interviewer your current salary. Why should you give a prospective employer an opening to start negotiations with a lower number than he or she might be willing to put forth. Skirt the issue by focusing on how much research (you should do some research) has told you a position should pay, given your skills and experience.
Don't tell your friends and relatives your passwords or pins. A new study has found that friends, relatives and neighbors make up half of all known identity thieves.
Don't tell a realtor what your best offer on a house will be. Remember, unless a realtor has identified him or herself as a buyer's agent, she is working for the seller and has a legal duty to get the seller the highest price.
Jean Chatzky is the financial editor for “Today,” editor-at-large at Money magazine and the author of “Talking Money: Everything You Need to Know About Your Finances and Your Future.” Her latest book, "Pay It Down: From Debt to Wealth on $10 a Day," is now in bookstores. Copyright ©2005. For more information, go to her Web site, .