Health & Wellness

Disposable period panties promise to make you feel pretty

IlaNic Sanitary Products Inc. / Today

Ladies, you know those days when you’re feeling fat, bloated, crampy, and all sorts of PMS-ugly? There’s a cure for your suffering period repulsiveness. They’re called UndiePads. “Because a woman should feel pretty every day of the month.”

"What is this magical product that can take away my monthly low self-esteem?" you ask.

Why, they’re disposable panties with a built-in menstrual pad, so you can go all day without ever having to change a tampon or maxi-pad. Because nothing says, “I feel beautiful” like walking around with a bucket-load of menstrual blood in your underwear for 12 straight hours.

You know what else makes us feel good about ourselves? Throwing away a pair of underwear that we’ve only worn once. It’s like giving Mother Nature the finger for making us bleed every month. Eff you, Earth! Who wants to be eco-friendly when we’re crabby and jonesing for cupcakes?

What we love most about this product, though, is its press release:
Throughout the ages women have had to deal with an ever-evolving but never entirely satisfactory variety of menstrual protection. From crude cloths to today’s 'superabsorbent pads,' there seems to be only one common denominator. All of them appear to have been designed by men. New UndiePads, disposable panties designed by a woman for a woman, finally gets it right.

It reminds me of a feminist documentary I saw in college. In it, two girlfriends were discussing their thoughts on feminine hygiene products:

“Tampons are evil! And of course they were invented by men, because they need to stick something phallic in our vaginas,” said one.

“Wait, don’t you use tampons?” asked her friend.

“Well, yeah.”

“Why do you use them if you think they’re so terrible?”

“Because they work really well.” She has a point...

No offense, but if Undiepads are the best solution a woman can come up with for my “menstrual protection,” I’ll make a dude the chief operating officer of my period any day.

A version of this story originally appeared on iVillage.