For many of us, the holidays are a time to get together with family and friends and enjoy the season. But the holidays can also be a time when people feel lonely and depressed. Psychologist Dale Atkins was invited on the “Today” show to share some advice to help you beat the holiday blues. Read some of her tips here.
Why are people lonely during the holidays?
People often focus on what they don’t have. And they don’t spend time on what they do have. It’s a state of mind. They don’t realize it’s temporary. They focus on memories of when they were younger, or when they had someone — a partner. We are a society oriented toward partnering. When people don’t have a family or someone to be with, they often feel sad.
How to beat the loneliness
- Pay attention to what you do have. Focus on the people who are still with you and how they can enrich your life because you only get one shot at life.
- Afterall, if you’re missing someone who has passed on, the last thing they would want is for you to be sad and depressed. The best way to honor them is to live a full and rich life, being the best person you can be.
- If you’re feeling blue, reach out to help others. It takes your mind off of your own troubles and makes you feel good. Serve at a soup kitchen or get toys for the needy.
- Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Don’t go there; self pity is the worst thing to do.
- If you are blue about losing a feeling of safety and security after 9/11, work hard to create peace within your family and community. Get involved in your neighborhood. Every person in life suffers loss, and people often don’t give themselves enough credit to rebound. We have this amazing internal fortitude to recover.
- It is important to remember that life is precious, that time is precious and that endurance is precious. We can “take” any tragedy if we remember these things.
- If you feel lonely, then it’s time to meet people. But many people who are lonely make up excuses, such as: “I’m too busy; other people don’t like me; I can’t find people like me.” It’s time to take responsibility for having other people in your life. Reach out to people. Invite someone to go somewhere with you. Take the initiative.
How to deal with loss
- Make a candle centerpiece with a candle for each person who has passed away. Light a candle for those who are not with you. Talk about them and share memories. Show pictures from family trips. Pass along their stories to the younger generations so they are not forgotten.
- Continue a tradition they started, like serving grandmother’s recipes, going to church service, serving at a soup kitchen before dining with your family.
- Schedule activities that are familiar and comforting and bring you joy.
- Surround yourself with people.
- If it’s too painful to be with happy people, rent some old favorite movies or some good movies you always wanted to see. Surround yourself with good books, mysteries, biographies — good escape literature.
- Invite new people into your life. Go to concerts or social events. Offer to drive people to church or to meetings. Even if your enjoyment capability is 50 percent as opposed to 100 percent, participate to some degree.
- Accept help from others.
- Don’t isolate yourself.
- Volunteer at a hospital, convalescent home or rehabilitation facility.
- Read to children or older people.
- Buy Thanksgiving dinner and deliver it to someone.
- Take a class that will have a good beginning, middle and end, or a weekend, or one-day session in flower arranging, furniture refinishing, knitting, crocheting or cooking.
- Try not to make important decisions during the holidays.