Have you ever noticed that some women walk into a room and appear to exude a feeling of confidence, as if they knew, "I really got it goin' on?" Women with confidence have a certain something and it is not necessarily a physical beauty that meets magazine cover criterion. These are the women that men tend to gravitate toward and other women admire. "Today" contributor and psychologist Gail Saltz was invited on "Today" to share tips on how to let go of your inhibitions and project a confident new you.
Confidence of any kind has a lot to do with knowing yourself and liking yourself. It's not about thinking you have the perfect body; it's about knowing the body you have, liking what your body feels like and what it can do for you.
Confidence also has to do with feeling whole on your own and welcoming a partner, rather than believing you need a partner to be complete. Being desperate for a partner robs you of personal confidence. It can also drive people away.
So many women looking for sexual confidence try to starve themselves, get plastic surgery or are consumed with pleasing their man. This is not the way to go.
What you should doTaking care of the body you have is the first place to start. Caring enough to keep healthy and groom yourself is a reflection of liking your body.
Knowing your body means also knowing your sexual parts, your erogenous zones, and what makes you happy. It's also important to tell your partner what pleases you, be sexually knowledgeable and uninhibited. The more you know the better you can participate in your relationship in terms of both giving and taking.
Being sexually confident does not mean just being a good giver. It is every bit as exciting for your partner to please you as it is for him to receive. If you can't relax and enjoy it, then frankly you are cheating both of you out of a good time. Taking risks is a good thing. Don't be concerned if you get your hair messed up. He's not thinking about that. If you relax and get into it, you will show him your sexual confidence. It shows that you feel good enough about yourself to not worry about looking funny or doing it wrong.
Sex is play, and play is not about rules and regulations. I see many women who feel very inhibited in the bedroom, and hence outside the bedroom as well. Some inhibitions may come from old myths that say, "Good girls don't enjoy sex too much. Don't do different things, don't show off." Figuring out if this kind of thinking is inhibiting you can be helpful. If that is the case, you can then decide if these thoughts are really helping you or hindering you.
You may also need to get the following myths out of your head: "Only young people can be very sexual," or "You have to be model perfect to be sexy." Take a look at what you may be holding yourself back from, and try these tips to help you gain sexual confidence:
- Uncover your myths
- Get to know your body
- Take a crash course in sexual technique
- Go for it! In other words, let loose in the bedroom.