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Relationship issues abound on ‘Housewives’

It’s no surprise relationship problems abound on “Desperate Housewives”; thank goodness for therapy.
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Something smells: Orson continued his bitter rampage at cheating wife Bree by treating her like a servant (and refusing to bathe). Bree, fed up with Orson (and his stench), eventually told him he stinks. His bitter-but-truthful reply: “And you’re a whore. Here’s the difference: I can get clean.” Bree agreed, angrily wheeling him into the front yard to hose him down. He asked her to stop, finally getting her to by saying “please” and then broke down because that’s the rest of his life: saying please to her for everything, when all he really wants is to do something for himself. Bree finally got it and asked his forgiveness — with a “please,” of course.

Nothing more than feelings: Bob and Lee hosted Tom and Lynette for a dinner party, which quickly went from fruit tart (dessert) to plain-old tart when Bob and Lee mentioned their therapy, prompting Tom to suggest he and Lynette go. She apparently thinks therapy’s for wimps, and barely stifled saying so in front of their hosts. Tom took up therapy, and started keeping a feelings journal, making it obvious he wrote plenty in there about Lynette. She stole someone’s therapy appointment to defend herself to his therapist. As Lynette talked to the therapist (Jane Leeves), she accidentally had herself a therapy session. So, from now on, Tom and Lynette will go to therapy and write down everything they don’t like about each other. Sounds so healthy.

Zoology: Susan and Gaby were stuck in storylines-that-don’t-matter territory: They were uber-competitive about their kids’ math levels. Their school kept the levels a secret, only dividing the groups by animal names (Juanita’s a leopard and M.J.’s a giraffe). Susan told Gaby giraffe is the most advanced, but Gaby cracked the code and found out it’s the opposite. Gaby wasted very little time spilling it to Susan, who, in turn, wasted no time confronting a teacher, revealing it to parents in the process. The ladies ended up called to the principal’s office, but made up in his waiting room — until talk turned to reading levels (otter, penguin and seal)... and it was all set to start over.

Oedipus complex: Angie was threatened by Danny’s new girlfriend, Ana, mostly because she wouldn’t eat carbs at Angie’s house, and because she wants to pursue a modeling career instead of going to college. But the real reason, as Angie told Ana when they went on an awkward shopping trip, is the same concern Julie had: Angie doesn’t want Danny to get hurt, since he’s already been through so much. Ana told Angie that’s why she likes Danny: They relate since she’s been through her own stuff, too. Angie wondered how she could make sure Ana won’t hurt him, and Ana said she can’t, but it doesn’t matter since she has no plans to go anywhere.

Almost homecoming: Katherine was doing well in her therapy: lucid and crying and firmly in reality. Karen McCluskey paid her a visit and asked when she was coming home. But Katherine had no plans to ever go home, after all of the bad things she did to her friends: almost destroying Bree’s business, trying to ruin Susan’s marriage, putting Mike in jail. Karen told her she’d likely find forgiveness on Wisteria Lane. To prove it, she returned with Gaby, Lynette and Bree, all willing to forgive. As they hugged, Susan came in, grabbed Katherine’s hand and gave her a hug. It was almost enough to forgive Susan’s crazy competition all episode with Gaby. Almost.

Best dialogue of the episode:
Katherine: "I told them I don't want any visitors" Karen: "Who says I'm visiting? Maybe I'm bonkers too."

DeAnn Welker is a writer in Portland, Ore.