Even though I’m still a little gobsmacked that Nicholas went home last week (Jason, not so much), I’m thrilled that tonight’s episode kicks off with some actual reality TV show drama.
Gretchen gushes to the camera that all of her fellow designers are SO supportive and ABSOLUTELY understand why she was the winner. And then, deliciously, those same designers snipe bitterly about her behind her back.
And while some of it is sour grapes, I don’t disagree with Peach’s assessment that Gretchen is becoming an insufferable pain in the ass as Gretchen yammers on and on about how she’s raised the bar for the competition. Really? With a pantsuit? That was raising the bar? Gretchen, you lucked out twice, but it’s time for you to get a good smackdown from Kors and company, if you ask me, because you’re not all that and a bag of chips despite what you think.
Even though “Models of the Runway” is DOA, we still get that “do you want to keep your model or pick a new one” crap. Gretchen keeps her model. Yawn. Then Heidi tells the designers Tim is going to throw a party for them. Everyone is rightly suspicious of this announcement. At Party Glitters, possibly the ugliest party store in New York City, Tim reveals they’re getting $100 to buy party supplies to turn into an outfit. A.J. is thrilled, because he already designs with toys and other garbage. Gretchen is horrified, because her aesthetic is not cheeseball. Shut up, Gretchen.
Oh, my. Casanova is picking stuffed animals. I am having nightmares of a tutu of grinning puppy heads. Back in the workroom, he eviscerates his stuffed animals. Casanova is starting to get a little creepy, I think.
A.J. won’t shut up. Because this is in his wheelhouse, but it’s not in his wheelhouse. Casanova, stuff a puppy head in his mouth, quick! Gretchen reveals that Valerie’s idea is great, and that she’ll end up in the top. With her. Gretchen is so incredibly insufferable at this point I want her to go home. Preferably in an ambulance. Because someone stabbed her with pinking shears. Just saying. And aren’t we supposed to get an ambulance scene this week? Fingers crossed!
Another designer tries to warn Casanova not to use too much tablecloth. Casanova doesn’t care. Casanova is so going home.
Gretchen, being a Two Time Winner, offers pearls of wisdom to the other designers. Whether they like it or not. Can I say again how much I hate her? Why does she have so much time to go around and yammer at everyone anyway?
Tim time! First up, a visit to A.J. Tim is concerned that his dress will look pieced together. Tim tells Valerie to lay off the teal if she wants to channel the “Ascot Gavotte” scene in “My Fair Lady.” Which, yes, had some dove grey and beige, but teal, not so much. Tim visits Andy. Gretchen thinks he’s no competition, because his work looks like student work. Tim tells Andy to stop screwing around with ideas and get to work. Tim next moves on to Kristin, and they giggle over her animal woolly balls. I think everyone’s a little punchy.
Tim loves Ivy’s dress but worries she won’t finish in time. Tim tells Peach she’s too uptight. He likes Mike C.’s dress. He likes Sarah’s dress. Gretchen circles like an angry tuna, wanting her private ego stroke from Tim.
Gretchen tells Tim all about her ugly tinsel skirt. Tim urges her to listen to her own voice. Blech. We’ve been listening to her voice, and we don’t like it, Tim.
Casanova admits to Tim he has nothing but tablecloths. I guess the eviscerated dogs no longer count. Tim tells him to make it work.
The models arrive, with little “gift bags” that contain crap that must be used to make an accessory. Everyone seems pretty put out about that.
Uh-oh. Midnight rolls around, and it looks like a lot of outfits aren’t even close to finished. Andy and Ivy could be in trouble.
As everyone gets ready to return to Parsons the next morning, Gretchen ponders what it would be like if she won a third challenge. SHUT UP, GRETCHEN! Finally, she decides she’ll be in the top three, but probably won’t win. And you know why, Gretchen? You made a hula miniskirt out of tinsel that looks God awful. So get over yourself.
Peach and April decide to help Andy. Gretchen thinks Andy should just suffer. Really, it’s remarkable that I can even find ways to hate her more.
Runway time! Heidi is wearing unfortunate pants. Michael’s back, Nina’s back and the special guest is… Betsey Johnson. I actually thought to myself, who could they get for this challenge who’d appreciate it, and I thought of her. Or Lady Gaga. Or RuPaul. Any of those.
Christopher
It’s a nice little dress, but not spectacular. But I like the glittery detail.
Michael D.
This is kind of horrendous. The top looks like tin foil vomit, and the bottom is so rigid as to be unwearable.
Andy
This dress rocks. It doesn’t look like student work to me, Gretchen. It looks amaaaazing.
A.J.
Oh, lord, this is hideous. A.J. thinks he could win the challenge. Oh, I don’t agree. The skirt looks completely slapdashed together.
Ivy
This is kind of spectacular. I think this could actually be worn to an event.
Michael C.
This is a showstopper, too. It’s red, it’s sexy and the detail work is amazing.
Peach
Huh. This is actually cute. Maybe Peach finally found her footing.
Gretchen
Okay, I’m finding it almost impossible to be objective about anything Gretchen does at this point. I honestly don’t know if I hate this because I hate it or I hate it because Gretchen did it. The “leather” jacket is okay, I guess. But really, I can’t even comment constructively at this point.
Mondo
This is actually kind of adorable. I like Mondo’s aesthetic, definitely.
Casanova
I don’t get this. Ruffles in the back, a mishmash on the front. A big, fat mess.
Kristin
The top is cute, but the bottom looks tacky.
April
This is all kinds of cool, but not wearable. Though I’m not sure I care. This is so Mad Max, and I can’t believe she found the materials at a crappy party store.
Sarah
The blue palm fronds don’t seem integrated into the design. Sorry, Sarah.
Valerie
I looooove this dress. Adorable. And sexy. Go, Valerie!
Heidi calls Peach, Michael C., Ivy, Kristin, Michael D., Mondo, Christopher and April. They all get to move on.
Heidi calls on Valerie first. Michael thinks she chucked it on the accessory, but he loves the dress. Nina thinks it’s fun but sophisticated. Betsey loves it. And thinks it’s great that she can wipe her mouth on her dress. Heidi also gives a thumbs up.
Next, A.J. and his ugly dress. Heidi thinks it looks silly. Nina says it looks like a hot mess. A.J. takes that as a compliment. A.J. is stupid. Michael thinks the cut is terrible. And he isn’t loving the fringed crotch. But Betsey likes it and wished he had taken it further.
Andy’s turn. Michael thinks the dress is exciting and loves the material transformation. Nina thinks it’s remarkable. Betsey wishes there’d been more fun.
Casanova starts yammering in broken English. Funny how his English degrades every time he’s on the block. Michael thinks she looks like a transvestite flamenco dancer at a funeral. He thinks the taste level is totally missing. Betsey loves the back. Heidi thinks too much is going on.
Sarah’s next. Nina thinks it seems very simple. Heidi thinks it looks sad. Michael thinks it looks like she was trying to make the palm trees work, but they didn’t. Betsey calls it a mish mosh.
Gretchen’s turn to talk about how genius she is. Nina thinks it’s fabulous, though the skirt is too long for the boot. Michael thinks Gretchen uses herself as a template, and it shows. So there’s a market for crazy bitch? Betsey digs it. Heidi doesn’t love the boots, but that’s the only thing she doesn’t love. AARRRGH!
Everyone’s sent backstage, where Gretchen tries to dominate the conversation. A.J. tells her to shut up, and she, of course, suggests he’s just sensitive because he’s on the bottom.
They start debating the losers. Casanova has no taste, Sarah blew it but knew it, and A.J.’s dress is an exploded piñata. For the winners, Valerie’s dress is a big hit and Nina thinks it was lovely. Andy’s dress is beautifully made and the whole look works. Finally, Gretchen is praised for making her outfit look like something Kate Moss would wear. Whatever. I still hate Gretchen.
Valerie is… in. Dammit! Poor Valerie, always the bridesmaid and all that. Andy is… the winner! Yay! Gretchen can suck it!
On to the losers. A.J. is… in. It’s down to Sarah and Casanova. If Sarah goes home, it’s only because Casanova is good TV. Casanova is… in. Seriously? That’s just messed up. Sure, he wasn’t boring, but he’s been sucking it big time for two out of the three challenges.
Ambulances! Ivy has passed out at the apartment complex and is being carted away. She really DID blow too hard on all those little petals! But if we were hoping for drama, that’s about it. All thirty seconds of it. Of course, no idea if Ivy comes back to the show, or if she’s really sick. I hope Ivy comes back, because she did great work for this challenge. And I’m especially sad, as Gretchen wasn’t being carted away with a pair of scissors jabbed into her neck.