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Gwen Stefani opens up about divorce: 'My dreams were shattered'

Last year, she split from Gavin Rossdale after 13 years of marriage, and looking back on it now, Stefani recalls "the beginning of hell" that she went through.
/ Source: TODAY

Gwen Stefani is celebrating love — and country chart success — with boyfriend and "Voice" coach Blake Shelton now. But before that, she grieved the loss of another love.

Last year, the hit maker filed for divorce from Gavin Rossdale after 13 years of marriage, and looking back on it now, Stefani says her "dreams were shattered" by the split.

Alexi Lubomirski/Harper's Bazaar

The mother of three opened up about the painful past in an interview with Harper's Bazaar.

"It was the beginning of hell. Like six, seven, eight months of torture, trying to figure out this big secret." Stefani said of what led up to the separation, without directly addressing the cause.

Alexi Lubomirski/Harper's Bazaar

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The reason she hesitates to get into specifics, confirming or denying Rosedale's rumored infidelity, is because of the sons they share — Kingston, 10, Zuma, 7, and Apollo, 2.

"As a famous person, you start to think, 'I can't say all that because I'll embarrass them or hurt them in some way,'" she explained. "And especially now because they can see everything and hear everything."

One of the hardest parts of the split has been the fact that Stefani now sees the boys less than before, since she shares custody with their father.

"It was so insane because not only did my family break up, but then my kids are taken away like half the time, so that was really like, 'What?! What did I do?'" she recalled.

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"All I wanted my whole life was to have babies, be married, like what my parents have," the 46-year-old said. "Then I remember thinking, 'There's gotta be a reason for this.'"

After getting past what she calls the "why me?" phase, she found it — in her music, her family and her new love, Shelton, who happened to be going through his own difficult divorce at the same time.

"It went from horrible to, like, hopeful and, like, 'Wow, God, you just don't know what's gonna happen next,'" she said.

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