There's no going back for Maria Shriver.
The former first lady of California has filed for divorce from Arnold Schwarzenegger after 25 years of marriage and who knows how many unsettling revelations. The estranged power couple have four children together, ages 13 to 21.
Shriver cited the ever-humbling "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the split, but alas, pretty much everyone with electricity knows those two little words are laden with even more meaning than usual.
Per the petition filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court and obtained by TMZ, Shriver is asking for spousal support and joint custody of their minor children, 17-year-old Patrick and 13-year-old Christopher.
Not long after Schwarzenegger's last day as California governor came in January, Shriver moved out of their Brentwood home and into a Beverly Hills hotel. They announced their separation on May 9 and, the following week, the outgoing Governator and incoming Sperminator admitted to fathering a child out of wedlock.
Turns out, he hit close to home.
His mistress was identified as the family's former housekeeper, Mildred Patricia "Patty" Baena, and a quick dig through public records turned up the child's birth certificate. The paperwork also revealed that the boy was born five days after Arnold and Maria's youngest child, Christopher.
Their oldest kids, Katherine and Patrick, switched their surnames from Schwarzenegger to Shriver on Twitter the following day.
Photos have since been unearthed showing Schwarzenegger and Baena's not-quite-ex-husband hugging at the boy's christening. Rogelio de Jesus Baena claimed in an interview with Entertainment Tonight that he only just found out that the now 13-year-old kid was his son, but Patty has threatened to sue ET for airing lies. She maintains that Baena, whom she moved to divorce in 2008, not only knew the truth for years but also has a history of infidelity and never supported her, the child in question, or another son they have together.
Regardless, one revelation begets another (or several), and sure enough, another alleged Schwarzenegger fling hired the Mistress of Mistress Representation, Gloria Allred, and gave an interview to Extra. The California Attorney General's Office is also supposedly gearing up to investigate with the stalled "Terminator" ever misused public money for his own illicit agenda. Schwarzenegger lawyer Marty Singer has blasted allegations of professional wrongdoing as absurd and motivated by profit.
Shriver has enlisted the services of top-flight L.A. divorce attorney Laura Wasser, an accomplice to many a celebrity split over the years, while Schwarzenegger hired the similarly reputable Robert Kaufman (Aniston vs. Pitt or Simpson vs. Lachey, anybody?) for his side of the table.
The opposing sides reportedly met up way in advance of the official filing to start hammering out what we presume will be many, many details.