If you’re having a hard time meeting your match or if you’re new to the market and not sure of the drill, author and relationship expert, Regena Thomashauer — aka “Mama Gena” — says, you may not be equipped with the how-to’s of creating great dating lives and hot marriages. Click here to send “Mama Gena” your relationship questions .
In a world where we are taught more about how to make a living than how to have satisfying relationships, and half of all marriages end in divorce, how does an individual go about creating a fun, fulfilling, intimate partnership with another human being?
Is it all trial and error? Luck? Kismet? Does it depend on finding “the one?” Or can we each be responsible for creating a fun dating life that leads to our dreams of a fabulous relationship?
MAMA SAYS, “QUIT COMPLAINING AND START TRAINING!”
For women, that means, first and foremost, that we have to train ourselves. We have to take control of our pleasure, fan the flames of our desires, and live the ecstatic privilege of what it is to be a woman, with every fiber of our being. Becoming a student of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts is the pathway to igniting your own interior passion. It is up to each of us to become skilled at the art of the art of flirtation, owning your beauty, knowing yourself sensually, having fun no matter what, partying with your inner bitch, inviting abundance, and owning and operating men.
It’s war out there, sisters! Living an exquisite life is the best revenge. Do you want to feel wonderful? Great. You have to start by telling yourself you are wonderful. Who has time to wait for the “You are Wonderful Fairy” to come bonk us on the head? The way to become wonderful is to practice, practice, practice. To look in the mirror and be grateful to that gorgeous hunk of womanhood who is staring back at you! She is truly a Sister Goddess! Mirror, mirror on the wall, you are the hottest one of all!
It is up to us to fan the flames of our own desires, to explore every drop of what we want, and prioritize our joy above all other values. Why? When we are happy we make brilliant decisions, we are generous with others, and we can train our men how best to serve us.
TRAIN OUR MEN, MAMA? ABSOLUTELY!
Men live to serve women, they want to add to our happiness, they long to see a smile on our faces. But men are not mind readers. As much as they may want to make us happy, they have no idea how unless we tell them what we want. Your guy may be great at his job, respected in his field, loved by his family, and he still may not have a clue of what it is that a woman wants. He wants to know, but if you have not told him, he won’t be able to figure it out on his own.
And for my guys- if you feel confused, if you feel like you continue to strike out in the world of women, if you feel women are oddly angry and they don’t behave in predictable ways — join the club! Actually, let Mama invite you into a different club. And here’s a little cheat sheet:
She loves attention, appreciation, worship. Treat her like the goddess that she is.
Ask questions. Women love it when guys ask their opinion and are truly interested in their response.
When she is cranky, do not try to “fix” her. Make her a pleasurable offer and if she is not interested, this would be a good time to watch sports.
The boldest journey of the 21st Century, the riskiest, most expansive way a person can spend their lives is in partnership with another human being.
Friendship, true friendship between two human beings, where each person gets to be every single delicious drop of who they are, is a sacred adventure. It is up to each of us to chart this pathway, to build new bridges of communication to include the fullness of ourselves, and each other. And the pathway to that goal is pleasure. You can’t get to joy by spending all your time looking at your problems, examining what’s wrong with yourself or your partner. You get to joy by barreling headlong into fun.
One of the first things I realized is this: Marriage is misunderstood. That’s why so many of them fail. We live in a world right now where over half of marriages end in divorce, and of those that survive, how many, actually, are happy? You may say happiness was never the point. Putting food on the table, a roof over their heads, and raising children, that is the point. Not so. The institute was created for the purpose of the survival of the human species. And therein lies the problem. In this wealthy abundant world, we no longer need marriage to survive. Anyone can get a job at McDonalds these days, and squeak out enough food and shelter to live on their own. One third of all babies born are born out of wedlock, so apparently you don’t need wedlock to feed yourself, clothe yourself, or make babies. Seems we have all figured that one out. So, what exactly is marriage for? Has it not, indeed, become extinct, like a relic, hanging from the ceiling in The Natural History Museum?
Are you ready? Mama’s gonna tell you, but you may not be able to hear. You may even disagree. But hang with me on this one. In fact, don’t agree with me. Just let this viewpoint float right alongside your viewpoint of what a marriage is for. Ready?
Fun.
Marriage is for fun. It is to make our lives more fun than they would be without marriage.
But isn’t fun so, sort of frivolous, Mama? So, sort of, shallow and unimportant?
Let’s look from another perspective, in terms of relationships. Don’t you love the people you are having fun with? Don’t you want to be with them? Don’t you look forward with enthusiasm and spirit to the activities that are fun? Like, you wake up before dawn, pack up the car and race to the beach on the first sunny day of summer. Or you rush over to your best friends house to tell her about your new guy. Or you stay up all night reading a fantastic book. Why? It’s fun. Fun has restorative, youth giving powers. It is attractive. When you serve fun, it pays big dividends. You love the people you have fun with. You can solve problems with fun, be creative with fun, create intimacy, closeness, sacredness, and the highest level of responsibility. You cannot do any of those things with force or obligation.
In other words, darlings, relax, we got you covered. All you need is an open mind.
Mama Gena is the author of two books, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts and Mama Gena’s Owners and Operators Guide to Men published by Simon and Schuster. Her new book, Mama Gena’s Marriage Manual will be released in May 2004.