Planning to pop some corks to celebrate the premiere of Ashton Kutcher’s new role on “Two and a Half Men” Monday? Try these Ashton Kutcher wine pairings to help you pick the proper tiger’s blood for the occasion. Just choose the role you want to re-live, and -- boom, crush -- there’s your wine.
“That '70s Show:” 2006 Luigi Ferrando Carema Etichetta Bianca
Like Michael Kelso, Kutcher’s character on "That '70s Show", the Ferrando Carema is quite the pretty boy when young, with notes of macerated cherries, pipe tobacco and roses. It’s also a bit dumb at times, with its intense acidity dominating the palate. But with age, it grows into a complex, fascinating wine.
“The Butterfly Effect”: 2002 Domaine Les Roches Chinon
The Chinon from Domaine Les Roches is not playful. Like The Butterfly Effect, it’s dark and dirty, with dominant flavors of forest floor and barnyard funk. It’s not always the wine you’re in the mood for, but when your goal is to expand your brain and feel something visceral, it’s exactly what you want.
“Dude, Where’s My Car?”: 2007 Pyramid Valley Hille Vineyard Semillon
“Dude, Where’s My Car?” is one of those movies that’s so out of the ordinary, you can’t ever forget it. That’s why it has become a cult favorite despite its lack of, let’s say, intellectual vigor. Pyramid Valley’s Semillon is like no other wine. It tastes like jalapenos, fennel, green pepper, honey and, some might say, a whiff of whatever those boys in "Dude, Where’s My Cart? ... errr ... "Car" were smoking. Forget it, you will not.
“No Strings Attached”: NV Jacques Lassaigne Le Cotet Extra Brut Blanc de Blancs
"No Strings Attached" is a mix of the unabashedly masculine (Kutcher) and the distinctly feminine (Natalie Portman), with lots of sex as the result. Jacques Lassaigne’s Le Cotet Champagne follows in that vein, blending more feminine Chardonnay from tank with more masculine Chardonnay aged in barrel. What results is a bombshell wine, with laser-like acidity, crunchy green apple fruit and a chalky finish that leaves you salivating.
“Punk’d”: 2009 De Moor Bourgogne Aligote Plantation 1902
"Punk’d" with Ashton Kutcher was, simply put, pretty awesome. It was fun to watch, cunning and a little mean, and occasionally, it produced great moments of theater. De Moor’s special bottling of Aligote fits all those descriptors. It’s one-two punch of acidity and minerality is piercing, and the mix of apple and peach fruit it weaves in make it a complete package. But stick it alongside the right food, and it simply shines.
Jeff Segal is the owner of Heart wine bar in San Francisco