We overthrew British rule. We landed on the moon. We even mapped the human genome, for crying out loud.
But our greatest scientific achievement of all has apparently been quietly lurking in the shadows: a bowl of Lucky Charms with only the marshmallows.
That's one small step for man, one magically delicious leap for mankind. Cue the national anthem, please.
While this may seem shocking, it turns out the isolated marshmallows aren't actually a new phenomenon. General Mills released a limited number of boxes sans toasted oat (only 10!) back in 2015. And, to our surprise, we found out the marshmallow-only Charms have actually been available online for quite some time.
This week, when the Internet collectively discovered that the beloved, dehydrated 'mallows can be found all over the web, the breakfast-candy-combo saw its popularity (and prices, according to enraged online reviewers) spiking — and even trending on Facebook.
But before we take to the streets in celebration: let us remember.
Let us remember the years spent experimenting with every method possible in our attempt to separate marshmallow from cereal. The bent spoons. The pruny fingers.
Deep, deep down in the dark recesses of our milk-soaked souls, we knew we couldn't continue to live this way. Our children shouldn't have to live this way.
Well, they no longer have to. Because apparently, you can purchase marshmallow-only Lucky Charms in industrial-style packaging for about $12. Or you can splurge on a more respectable-looking cereal box of "Marshmallow Madness" for $22.99. You can even buy them in bulk — a whopping 8 pounds of the stuff — for about $60. Heck, why not spring for the $128.26 40-pound bag and feed the whole neighborhood? (This reporter is not to blame for the targeted "midlife crisis" ads with which you're sure to be bombarded post-purchase.)
With an ingredient list that includes sodium hexametaphosphate and yellow 6, they're not exactly a "balanced part of this complete breakfast." But, well, complete breakfasts be damned.
Actual cereal part, America has spoken ... and it's over between us. It's over for good.