Feb. 28, 2012 at 9:28 AM ET
The "Dancing With the Stars" powers-that-be have had their casting say, and now it's our turn. It's no secret that "Dancing" hasn't landed the type of celebs that viewers keep telling us they'd like to see, but c'mon, folks! George Clooney and his fellow A-listers are too busy to strut their stuff on ABC's ballroom bash, OK? And besides, as the show has proven time and again, the random aspiring star can often bring a much needed bit of spice to the show. (Think Kelly Osbourne and Rob Kardashian, who were mostly known for their reality show antics until they won critics over.)
So why not embrace some of the stars who aren't at their prime and have maybe made more headlines for questionable behavior than impeccable work? We do.
You have to admit, the bad boys often make watching the ballroom bash a lot more fun. (Hi, Maks!) Granted, Guns ‘N Roses frontman Axl Rose may not fit very well into “Dancing’s” skin-tight sequined costumes nowadays, but that’s nothing a few weeks on the dance floor won’t fix. And yes, he’d last a few weeks ... at least. Remember the slinky moves the rocker used to do on stage and in music videos? It’s proof he can move! Our pro pick for him? Lacey Schwimmer. She’s a lively gal who knows how to have fun with her partners, plus she’s a recording artist, which will give her and Axl something to bond over during practice.
Want some fireworks to liven up the show? Who better than comedian Joan Rivers! You know she won’t be taking any unfair criticism from the judges without giving them a taste of their own medicine -- and then some! And can you imagine the “Fashion Police” host’s sharp comments about the show’s costumes? Comedy gold, people. As for who to pair her with, we’re thinking Tristan. Yes, we know, he had to work with Nancy Grace on season 13, and that was quite a challenge. But that also showed he’d be able to successfully work with another lady with a big personality ... and likely have a lot of laughs this time around.
The “Project Runway” contestant is a fashion diva with an attitude. In other words, perfect for the ballroom, where the gaudy getups will likely drive him batty. Forget any verbal sparring with the judges, Austin would probably storm the costume department to give the designers a piece of his mind, if not just whip up his own, tasteful looks himself. As for his partner, we’re thinking Anna Trebunskaya. The pro looks great in just about everything, which Austin will appreciate. Plus, her super sweet personality could help him loosen up a bit about his ballroom wardrobe.
OK, OK, now bear with us here. At first glance, it might not seem as though oft-embattled rocker Courtney Love is in prime ballroom condition. But don't let her past addiction issues, penchant for online rants and whatever happened to those poor pets of hers stand in her way. Courtney has more than a few qualities working in her favor. While she's not exactly known for cutting a rug, the Hole frontwoman knows a thing or two about musicality. She also knows how to speak up -- don't expect her to sit back and keep quiet if Carrie Ann Inaba praises a good looking guy who fumbles on the floor and then bashes Courtney for the same moves. Most importantly, for all of her … eccentricities, she's never boring -- a lesson would-be (well, could-be) partner Tony Dovolani would soon learn. But don't worry about Tony. If he can handle Kate Gosselin, he'd be just fine giving Courtney a spin across the floor.
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi
A couple of seasons back, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino brought a bit of the "Jersey Shore" to the ballroom, but why should the reality show's troublemaker get all the fun? Bring on "Shore's" one-woman party -- Snooki. The pint-sized Princess of Poughkeepsie already has the spray tan and barely-there dress combo down, and she even knows a few dance moves, too. Well, she knows one, but the bent-over "Jersey Turnpike" might be a bit suggestive for the ballroom. In other words, always over-the-top judge Bruno Tonioli would love it! But which pro would be a perfect match for Snooks? Hmm. Maybe three-time champ Derek Hough could enjoy one season alongside a longshot. We sure would enjoy seeing it.
So far "Dancing" fans have had a chance to see one "Saved by the Bell" graduate join the ballroom bash. Mario Lopez, aka A.C. Slater, danced his way to second place in the show's third season. Shouldn't another Bayside High alum get a shot at mirror-ball glory, too? Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech to fans, would make for a particularly wacky and entertaining pick. And as a bonus, when his ball room stint came to a close, there's little doubt he'd spill all the backstage secrets fans never hear about. After all, the author of the scandal-packed "Behind the Bell" has a tell-all past. As for the pro partner best suited to take a twirl with Dustin, that would have to be last season's champ, Karina Smirnoff. She took Slater to the finals -- just think what she could do for Screech.
She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s brutally honest, she’s perfect for “Dancing With the Stars.” Sure, Eddie Cibrian’s ex-wife and the newest Beverly Hills “Housewife” may get on some viewers’ nerves at first, but just like she did on “RHOBH,” she’s bound to win everyone over -- and quickly -- with her penchant for brutal honesty and unabashed love of fun. Seriously, she’s just plain irresistible! And with a model-perfect body, even the costumers won’t be able to make her look bad in the flashy outfits. The obvious pick for her pro partner? Ballroom bad boy Maks, who loves his ladies beautiful, funny and able to stand up to him ... which Brandi can most certainly do!
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