Two and a Half Men

Sheen attacks everyone responsible for firing him in latest Web rant

March 9, 2011 at 10:40 AM ET

Just when it seemed like Charlie Sheen couldn’t possibly have anything else to rant and rave about, the embattled actor proved he’s far from finished with his “media tsunami.” On Tuesday night, Sheen delivered an all-new series of slams for the men behind “Two and a Half Men” on his streaming Web show, “Sheen’s Korner.”

The star first aimed his personal and barely comprehensible digs at CBS president and CEO Les Moonves.

“Number 1, Less-than-Goonves — part scoundrel, part my hair to the side,” Sheen said to the camera. “Screw Les, I proclaimed, or better yet, screw more. You gave me your word so in turn, you gave me nothing. It must really suck being your Mrs. The promise of getting something, yet receiving nothing.  In-vitro aside, all shiny pool boys rejoice and line block around your house. Sizzle, losing, bye.”

With the biggest honcho of them all behind him, Sheen then issued a warning rather than an attack to Warner Bros. Television chief Peter Roth.

"Number 2, Peter Roth, who I will not call sloth, I'll spare you this revelatory of pure exposé, as your heart was always rooted in fairness and heartbound in good tidings. Trust not your evil overlords. They will discard you and abandon your precious family. Liars and fools all of them.”

Sheen then invited Roth to join him as part of the “Sheen’s Korner” production before taking a shot at his next target, Warner Bros. Television Group president, Bruce Rosenblum.

"Number 3, Bruce, Bruce Daisy-and-wilt, shame on you, you much shorter than average fool.  And shame on your invalid attempts to shell game this grand magician. My crew now knows the truth. Yes that is all of their fists pounding on your paper-thin chamber door.  They now lead with solid proof of your sordid hypocrisy and yellow-spined tactics. Wait, is that an angry mob raiding your muck hole? It is over, tiny man. Grab ankles and accept your fate.”

After getting in a few more random low-blow shots at Rosenblum, the star then launched an attack at his favorite target, “Men” creator and executive producer Chuck Lorre. It should come as no surprise to anyone who’s followed Sheen’s recent rants that the actor saved his “best” worst material for Lorre.

"Number 4, hi ya’, Chuck-E-Cheese ball,” Sheen said. “Where ya’ hiding, silly clown? Behind your narcissism, your greed, your hatred of yourself or women? Which personality are you cowering beneath for transparent cover?  I see you, you little worm. I see you behind your plastic smile, your bitchy pout and your desperate need to be liked — forget love, that ship sailed when you were born, to use one of your stupid and unfunny jokes.”

Sheen was just warming up with that. He went on to slam Lorre for praying “to the silly god of AA” before delivering one long and very personal verbal assault.

“Can you smell your soul? Can you smell the rotting dog s---, the fermented puke that is your viscera? Can you smell the lies? Can you smell the carnage you created?  Can you smell the impostor living within? Can you smell your mother's tears from some distant memory, as she scattered her pathetic creation asking all around her why this feeble abortion survived? Can you smell it, Chuck?"

Just in case Lorre or anyone else wonders what all of that might smell like, Sheen inexplicably compared it to malaria before wrapping up his latest "Korner."

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