155 Corny Jokes That Kids and Adults Will Find Funny

Jan. 6, 2023, 9:44 PM UTC / Updated April 30, 2024, 10:09 AM UTC

Did you hear the one about the turkey who was arrested? The cops suspected fowl play.

If you're a fan of corny jokes, good news, we've got plenty more in the collection below and pretty much all of them are sure to make even the toughest of comedy critics crack a smile.

That's because these absolutely awful jokes are so bad, they're good! And that's the whole point of one-liners. They might be cringy, but that's what makes them so funny in the first place.

Whether you're here for some silly giggles or stockpiling corny jokes for the next family gathering, you'll find enough dad jokes, funny puns and silly gags to keep the laughs coming.

In the market for clean jokes? You're in luck — just about all these one-liners are family-friendly and appropriate for work and any other occasion that calls for a bit of humor.

For example, why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Because it's days are numbered. Or when's the best time to visit the dentist? Tooth-hurty. You ever wonder how to catch a school of fish? Use a bookworm.

Terrible, yes. But also funny, and you know it. So, read on and clear the aisles because, guess what? You're about to be rolling in them.

Corny one-liners

Why can't you trust chemists? Periodically, they're wrong.
Why did the pasta go to the dermatologist? It had a big ziti.
Two kittens had a big fight. It was a cat-tastrophe.
What do you call a cow missing a leg? Lean beef.
Why shouldn’t you argue with a T-Rex? You’ll get jurass-kicked.

What do you call a cold puppy? A chili dog.
Why shouldn't pigs drive? They hog the road.
Why did the skunk take out a loan? Because he only had one scent.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? It was a little horse.
How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

Why do melons get married in church? Because they cantaloupe.
Which king loved to do fractions? Henry the 8th.
Did you hear about the math teacher that plowed a field? He used a pro-tractor.
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snow bank.
What do bees use to brush their hair? Honeycombs.
How do bees get to school? They ride the school buzz.

Why did the battery go on vacation? He needed to recharge.
Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest? No body won.
Why did the pumpkin go to the doctor? It didn't feel so gourd.
What month of the year has 28 days? All of them.
I'd tell you a pizza joke, but it's probably too cheesy.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad.

Why shouldn't you trust artists? They can be sketchy.
Why did the car take a nap? It was tired.
Did you hear about dry cleaner who got arrested? He was laundering money.
Why did the football player hire a lawyer? He needed help with his defense.
Why did the mortician clock out of work early? He was dying to leave.

Why was the strawberry sad? It found itself in a jam.
What is a balloon's least favorite kind of music? Pop.
When's the best time to visit the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected foul play.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
What did one avocado say to the other? You guac my world.

I used to own a taser. It was stunning.
I don't like facial hair, but it's starting to grow on me.
Once I ate a fancy Italian restaurant. It cost a pretty penne.
What happens when doctors get mad? They lose their patients.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
What did the roof say to the shingle? This one's on the house.
Did you hear about the evil hen? It lays deviled eggs.
Why was the broom late to work? It over-swept.

Where do cows go on date night? The moo-vies.
I once bought a broken guitar. No strings attached.
How do astronomers propose? They planet.
How do you make an eggroll? Push it.
What kind of witch likes to go to the beach? A sandwich.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? The “C.”
What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.

What's the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.
Two radios got married. The reception was amazing.
What do you call it when two boats fall in love? A row-mance.
I saw someone at the bank checking their balance. So, I pushed them over.
How does Darth Vader prefer his toast? On the dark side.
What did the horse say after he tripped? “I've fallen and I can't giddy up.”

Corny jokes that are actually funny

Why can’t you borrow money from elves? They’re always short.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don’t work.
Why did the bank robber wash his clothes before escaping? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a hat for your leg? Kneecap.
What do you call an automobile filled with water? A car-pool.
How do trains listen? With their engine-ears.
What goes up and down but never moves? Stairs.
How does a train eat? It choo-choos.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
What did one egg say to the other? You crack me up.
What’s a zucchini’s favorite sport? Squash.

What’s a cucumber’s favorite sport? Pickleball.
Why do ghosts ride elevators? It lifts their spirits.
What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places.
Why did the girl jump up and down before pouring her juice? The carton said to “Shake well before drinking.”
Why shouldn’t you use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.
A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
Why don’t leopards play hide-and-seek? They’re always spotted.
Why don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
How do you put a spaceship to sleep? You rocket.
What do you need to cook an alligator? A croc-pot.

Corny jokes for kids

Why couldn’t the bike stand up? It was two-tired.
What did the ocean say to the sad seaweed? Sea kelp.

Where does Wonder Woman go shopping? At the supermarket.
What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.
Why can’t noses be longer than 12 inches? Because they’d be a foot.
What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.
Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.
What’s the best way to catch a school of fish? With bookworms.
How do you make a hotdog stand? Take away its chair.
What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July? A fire-quacker.
What do sea monsters eat for dinner? Fish and ships.
How do Eskimos repair broken dishes? With igloo.

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get crowns on her teeth.
What did Benjamin Franklin say after discovering electricity? “I’m shocked!”
What did the earthquake say after it was over? “Sorry, my fault!”
Did you read the book about anti-gravity? You can’t put it down.
What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.
Did you hear about the spaghetti in disguise? It's an impasta.
What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else? Nacho cheese.
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.

Corny jokes for adults

What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do his own anesthetic? “Knock yourself out!”
Did you hear about the Italian cook who had an accident? He pasta way.

What did the quilt saying after falling off the bed? “Oh, sheet!”
What do you call it when you can’t take off your bra? A booby trap.
What did the therapist say to the man wearing see-through shorts? I can clearly see you’re nuts.
Did you hear about the emotional wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.
How do you know when a pepper is mad? It gets jalapeño face.
What did the computer say at the end of a long day? I gotta crash.
Did you hear about the man paranoid about picnics? He’s a basket case.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
Did you hear about the homicidal oatmeal? It’s a cereal killer.
How did the dragon get bronchitis? It smoked knights.
What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What do you call a pig on a hot day? Bakin.’
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colors? It had reptile dysfunction.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What happens when you eat aluminum foil? You sheet metal.
Did you hear about the girl who cut off the left side of her body? She’s all right.
Why don’t animals play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Why can’t anyone write a good drinking song? They can’t get past the first few bars.
Did you hear about the deer who won the lottery? It got a million bucks.
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
How do you know when a clown breaks wind? Something smells funny.
Why shouldn’t you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.
Why did the fish blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be a gold prospector? It didn’t pan out.
What’s the bad thing about birthdays? Too many will kill you.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He’s in the ER waiting to be seen.
What did the grape say to the wine after they broke up? “I’m crushed.”
What kind of award do you give dentist of the year? A little plaque.
Did you hear about the coffee robbery? It got mugged.
Why did the nurse keep a red pen handy? In case she had to draw blood.