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Bride-to-be shared a 2-page list of expectations for bridesmaids: Genius or rude?

Lisa Torres told TMRW that she was comfortable with potential bridesmaids saying no to joining the wedding party.
/ Source: TMRW

A bride-to-be has gone viral on TikTok for sharing a detailed two-page list of requirements for bridesmaids that has divided commenters. Some praised her clear outlining of expectations, while others thought the list was simply asking too much of her friends.

Lisa Torres, an auditor from Texas who recently got engaged, said she made the list after thinking about the experience of being a bridesmaid herself.

"I have been a bridesmaid before and there were some unexpected costs and expectations on my end," she said. "Hearing my friends complain about their experiences in wedding parties and learning about how much the expectations vary made me want to make sure that I didn't create any conflicts. I was very intent on avoiding conflict and being transparent and upfront with the costs."


##stitch with @stephanieberman7 I was scared to have a ##transparency letter in the ##bridesmaidproposalbox but it WORKED OUT. ##wedding ##weddingtiktok

♬ original sound - Lisa 💙

The two-page letter outlined what costs Torres would cover as the bride and which costs bridesmaids would be responsible for. Torres wrote that she would cover the cost of hair and makeup for the wedding party as well as accommodations the night before the ceremony, and said that bridesmaids would be responsible for their own dress, shoes and other expenses. She also outlined attendance expectations for wedding celebrations, like dress shopping and a possible bridal shower.

The first page of Torres' list included expectations for people's attire and some events.
The first page of Torres' list included expectations for people's attire and some events. Lisa Torres

Torres said that she wanted her bridesmaids to know what they would be getting into, but also feel comfortable saying no. One potential bridesmaid did say she wasn't interested in being part of the ceremony.

"She was going to get into telling me (why), but I respectfully cut her off," Torres explained. "I was like, 'You don't have to explain ... Whatever reason you have is valid.'"

Torres said that she felt "insecure" about giving potential bridesmaids the letter, because she worried it would be seen as rude or inappropriate.

"There's just some things that can have a bad connotation ... Just the concept of having a letter that has rules just sounds bad even if the content of it isn't bad or even if it's not unreasonable," Torres said. "The formality of it makes it seem more intimidating, but thankfully, all of them were just, like, 'Oh, I'm so glad.' They were really grateful I did it."

The second page of the letter included notes about the ceremony itself.
The second page of the letter included notes about the ceremony itself. Lisa Torres

The responses on TikTok have been much more divided: Some thought the letter was too demanding, while others said it would have saved them some headaches during their own experiences as bridesmaids.

Torres said that she did not expect to get so much feedback about her letter. She has shared several other videos about wedding planning since getting engaged, and expected a similar response to this video. Instead, it was watched more than 6 million times.

"I really did not expect it to go viral," she said. "To me it was just, like, 'OK, here's another TikTok.' I really did not expect it to go viral. I didn't expect the response and the amount of attention it got."


Folks have different ##weddingetiquette & it’s OKAY. If you don’t like bridal showers, don’t have/commit to them.❤️ ##weddingtiktok ##bridesmaid ##wedding

♬ original sound - Lisa 💙

Torres said that the reaction has been a "learning experience" because she has learned so much about different wedding cultures and expectations around the world. She told TMRW that she hopes the popularity of the letter will lead to more people being upfront about their expectations for bridal parties.

"I thought it would impact a couple people, but I think it might have a larger impact than that, and that's great," Torres said. "I think in general, communication is good. Relationships end because of bad communication. If (the letter) could help people, then I'm really happy about that."