It’s not an easy time to be one of the hairless Germanic peoples. Everyone has facial hair these days, from movie stars to World Series champions to dynastic Louisiana duck hunters to every Mumford-and-Sons-looking guy running an artisanal cheese and candle shop in your local hip neighborhood. Well, some of us are having genetic trouble staying on trend.
As you saw during last year’s No-Shave November, my road to a beard was a long, winding, and ultimately ginger, one. I like to blame the short month. If I’d had 31 days instead of 30, I tell myself, I would have had a lush mane dripping from my grill. Instead, I ended November 2013 with the kind of thin collection of whiskers that makes a man look like he hangs around bowling alleys alone.
This year, in the name of men’s health, I pledge to you a better, fuller beard. If that means washing my face in horse shampoo twice a day, that’s what I’ll do. If it means massaging Scotts Turf Builder fertilizer into my cheeks, I’ll load up at Home Depot. If all that fails, I’ll go with the tried-and-true method used by pubescent boys for generations: I’ll look in the mirror and scream at my hair to “GROW!!!!!!”
Hey Willie, want some tips? Check out TODAY's advice for nailing the best beard ever (no horse shampoo required!).
Show TODAY how your beard is progressing with #NoShaveTODAY on Twitter and Instagram.