I love making New Year’s resolutions. Yes, Jan. 1 might be an arbitrary date, but I think it’s good that we all have a cue to ask ourselves, “What would I like to change about my life? How could it be better than before?”
Most of us have a list of things we’d like to do better — and very often, those things involve habits. Exercise, sleep, fun, eating, relaxing and so on. In my book "Better Than Before," I list all 21 strategies that we can use to make or break the habits that shape our lives. All the strategies are powerful and effective, but some are more universal than others.
Here are some of the most popular ones, to start you thinking.
1. Be specific.
Don’t resolve to “Eat more healthfully.” That’s too vague. What are you really asking of yourself? Resolve to “Eat breakfast,” “pack a lunch,” “stop eating fast food,” “cook dinner at home” or “have no more sugary soda.” That’s your Strategy of Clarity.
I did this with reading. I love to read, but I wasn’t spending enough time reading. So I resolved to “Quit reading a book I don’t like” (which changed my life), “Do ‘study’ reading on the weekend,” and I also monitor my reading — see below.
MORE: 'The Happiness Project' writer on ways to change your routine for a happier morning
2. Monitor your resolution.
If we monitor something, we manage it much better. Just simply tracking how much you are — or aren’t — doing something will push you in the right direction. That’s the Strategy of Monitoring. With reading, I’ve started to post a photo on my Facebook page every Sunday night to show what books I’ve read that week. I find this very fun and satisfying, and I have to say, it also helps me push myself to find more time to read.
3. Give yourself external accountability.
This is key. Tell other people about your resolution, work out with a trainer, take a class, do something with a friend, hire a coach.
Or start a "Better Than Before Habits Group," where people hold each other accountable. Everyone can be working on different resolutions — what matters is that they’re holding each other accountable.
4. Treat yourself!
This is the most fun way to strengthen your resolutions. When we give ourselves healthy treats, we boost our self-command — which helps us keep our resolutions. When we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves. But make sure they’re healthy treats. Food and drink, shopping and screen time are often unhealthy treats. This is the Strategy of Treats.
MORE: 'Happiness Project' author Gretchen Rubin's 3 reasons it pays to be kind
5. “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”
Thank you, Voltaire. If you break your resolution today, try again tomorrow. Try to use your slip-up as a lesson in how to do better next time. Although some people assume that strong feelings of guilt or shame act as safeguards to help people stick to good habits, the opposite is true. People who feel less guilt and who show compassion toward themselves in the face of failure are better able to regain self-control, while people who feel deeply guilty and full of self-blame struggle more. This is the Strategy of Safeguards.
6. Sign up for the “21 Days, 21 Strategies for Habit Change.”
To thank people who pre-order the paperback of "Better Than Before," I’m giving them this email package for free. Each morning for 21 days, I’ll send you an email that describes a different strategy that you can harness to master your habits. If you’re determined to keep a New Year’s resolution this year, I hope you’ll get lots of ideas about how to do that.
Gretchen Rubin is the author of several books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers, "Better Than Before," "The Happiness Project" and "Happier at Home." On her popular weekly podcast "Happier with Gretchen Rubin," she discusses good habits and happiness with her sister Elizabeth Craft; they've been called the "Click and Clack of podcasters."