The title of tonight's "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" episode is "Malibu Party From Hell." Nice try, Bravo. There was some minor clawing, but anyone who caught last season knows Camille Grammer holds the title of hosting the most hellish party Malibu's golden shores have ever witnessed.
Still, things did get ugly at Brandi Glanville's belly-dancing beach party. But it won't be a multi-episode nightmare for the network to tease out. In fact, things started out innocently enough -- especially, given today's real-life reports of Kim Richards' problems....
The troubled housewife has allegedly checked into rehab, though there's been no official confirmation. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but the Richards sister barely made an appearance in tonight's episode.
Instead, we were treated to a flashback of Kyle Richards' mother-in-law Estella getting a face lift. And some not-so-subtle Dr. Paul Nassif peer pressure encouraging Kyle to fix a few creases.
But despite having admitted to some work in the past, Kyle's promoting the natural beauty route tonight. "Drop the Botox, drop the fillers and let's fight fair," she challenges the women of 90210. May we also suggest blocking Paul's number? (Sorry, doc!)
Cameras also capture Kyle and Mauricio Umansky's Cinco de Mayo celebration. Kyle's hubs is really proud of his Mexican heritage, so this fiesta is really important to him. Only, doesn't it seem like the gringos, like Kyle's ladysitter Justin and pals Michele and Faye Resnick, are the ones enjoying margaritas? ¡Olé!
Back to Brandi's workshop turned belly-dancing party. (Anyone else wish she had stuck to the original plan?) Taylor Armstrong spends the limo ride with Kyle psyching herself up for a confrontation with Camille, while over in Camille's limo, pitbulls D.D. and Liz are snarling for a fight.
All seems fine at first when Camille and Taylor share a long, bony hug and the women kick back with their vino. The beachfront property, which belongs to Brandi's friend Jen, is gorgeous, there's plenty of food and no sex instructors. "It was tastefully done," sniffs Adrienne Maloof.
Things get a little raunchier when the belly-dancing instructor begins. For some reason, Kyle feels compelled to trot out her party tricks: the splits, the bump 'n' grind and the hair whip. And to shine a laser pointer at Brandi's nipples. Is that really appropriate when you're doing calisthenics in a mini dress on the floor?
That's when D.D. decides to strike, all in the name of clearing the air.
She seems way angrier at Taylor for not returning Camille's calls than any of the women actually involved in the tea party intervention. (Getting together for any kind of food and beverage is a high-risk proposition for these people.)
And she just can't stop: "I'm sick of it. You won't return her phone calls. That's f----- up." That's when Adrienne pushes D.D. back inside, but the damage has been done and Taylor's having a complete meltdown. Adrienne comes to the rescue again and tries to cover Taylor's mouth before she can say something that gets captured and dissected on camera.
Seeing things spin out of control, Brandi decides the only way to regain the spotlight control is to kick Taylor out. Something Taylor and Kyle don't take too kindly.
Cue a mini catfight with Kyle as pal Linda Thompson pleads, "You guys are all embarrassing yourselves by being out of control. We are an evolved species."
Was D.D. just a troublemaker? Should Brandi have kicked Taylor out? Are the women of Beverly Hills really evolved or just a notch above clubbing each other around a campfire? Share your thoughts on the Clicker's Facebook page.