It was an intense results night on “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC, Tuesdays/Wednesdays, 8 p.m. ET), but before finding out that Willa Ford and Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s card was up, viewers had to endure another excruciating hour of fluff, Rod Stewart and disco.
That’s right, disco.
But before getting to any of that, we got a recap that featured more references to some potential extracurricular steaminess between Ford and Chmerkovskiy, as well as Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff.
This show’s giving “Grey’s Anatomy” a run, in terms of steaminess.
The judges then shamelessly asked Jerry Springer and Kym Johnson to try to recreate the silly samba that brought smiles to fans’ faces a night earlier.
The second time around? Not so much.
It was like when a kid says something cute in the moment, and the next day his parents try to force the magic to happen again.
He shook his maracas and, well, she shook hers. But it didn’t feel the same. Viewers would have been well served having the original memory be the only one, while saving the encore for a truly entertaining performance — especially on a results show that came after “Dancing’s” first-ever four-way tie for first place. Why ask the couple that tied for last to do it all over again?
Still, watching Springer and Johnson move on the dance floor, one could only wonder why rumors of a romance between that couple haven’t begun to swirl.
On second thought, it’s clear.
‘When you think of hot legs...’Then it was time for the weekly non sequitur: the musical guest. It was Rod Stewart, and host Tom Bergeron tried his hand at making a connection between Stewart’s music and the show by offering, “When you think of hot legs, you think of our dancers … you also think of one of the most popular rock hits of all time.”
Kind of a stretch.
Stewart proceeded to sing “Hot Legs,” flanked by professional dancers Johnson and Edyta Sliwinska on either side of the stage. Now, most of us can only hope we look like Stewart when we’re his age. But he would have done well to put on a T-shirt on under his outfit to keep the ol’ tummy from peeking out beneath his shirt’s bottom button.
Maybe high-definition television isn’t always the way to go.
Later, co-host Samantha Harris broke the news to Springer that from this show forth, the dancers will have to learn two dances each week.
Springer wondered if that was a ploy to get rid of him. If it was, it sadly didn’t work.
Then it was time for the audience comments, which were better than usual and one of them nailed it, saying, “Mario looked and moved like every guy wishes he could. Unfortunately, most of us look and move like Jerry.”
Sometimes mom doesn’t know bestThen, “the lovebirds” Lopez and Smirnoff found out they were the first couple safe from elimination, which was a huge relief to Smirnoff, whose mother had dreamt the pair was going home that night. Take that, mom.
Monique Coleman and Louis Van Amstel, who needed a big week to bounce back from last week’s disappointing bottom-two finish, got the good news next. Monique later said, “For the first time, we really just had fun,” leading viewers to wonder whether she’s actually been miserable all season.
Another random dance routine included Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Boogie Wonderland” before viewers got a chance to check in with Tysonia, who is taking the Slim-Fast Dance Challenge. Tysonia, who tries to balance work with taking care of her family and taking these darn dance lessons, struggled to learn the quickstep and, in her frustration, finally said, “I’m livin’ the quickstep.” But she pulled it together and put on a performance in front of her choir that got a standing ovation and inspired viewers across the nation to dance, exercise and lose some weight.
During the commercial break, I went and got some chips.
Viewers got a look at what competition day looks like backstage and we found out that Lopez gets a blessing from a priest before the show and makes sure “the big guy upstairs is with me.” No offense, but you’ve got to think God is probably not watching “Dancing With the Stars.”
He’s TiVo-ing it and watching “America’s Next Top Model.”
Sara Evans’ fans heard from againMore good news came to Sara Evans and Tony Dovolani, who found out they were the third couple sent to safety moments before Springer and Johnson were dumped into the bottom two, to no one’s surprise.
Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke were given their pass to next week, leaving Joey Lawrence and Sliwinska, and Ford and Chmerkovskiy — the latter fell into the bottom two with Springer and Johnson.
It wasn’t clear who was more stunned when Bergeron announced that Ford and Chmerkovskiy were being given their walking papers. The couple just dropped their heads, but Springer shook his head and mouthed the words, “Oh, that’s not right.”
He knew he got another free pass and now viewers will be subjected to watching him dance twice — not counting any undeserved encore.
Ford was gracious, saying that she considered every week a bonus after finishing in the bottom two for the first two weeks of the season.
Bergeron and Harris tried to push the love angle between the two, but Chmerkovskiy only said, “She may have become my favorite student.”
And Springer lives on.
Victor Balta is a writer in Philadelphia.