Warning: This post contains spoilers for “The Ultimatum: Queer Love” finale and reunion.
Contestants on “The Ultimatum: Queer Love” sign up for the show knowing there is a possibility their original partner could fall in love with someone else. That worst case scenario became a reality for Vanessa Papa and Mal Wright when their girlfriends, Xander Boger and Yoly Rojas, fell for each other.
In Episode Three, Xander, 30, and Yoly, 34, chose to couple up for a three-week trial marriage after sensing sparks. They moved in together and their relationship quickly progressed. They explored their physical relationship, as well.
The two were already exchanging “I love yous” by the time their three weeks ended and they returned to their original girlfriends.
But their feelings lingered. On decision day, Xander ended her relationship with Vanessa. Although she still loved Xander, Yoly decided to commit to Mal and accept a proposal.
By the time the reunion was filmed, Yoly and Mal had ended their engagement. Yoly briefly tried to explore a relationship with Xander before they cut things off.
In separate interviews with TODAY.com, Yoly explains why the two relationships did not work and Xander shares how she feels about Yoly now.
What happened on the show?
In the premiere, viewers learned that Xander issued an ultimatum to longtime girlfriend Vanessa, 30, and that Yoly decided to bring Mal, 36, onto the show. Xander and Yoly partnering up seemed like the obvious choice given that they both brought their partners onto the show.
But Xander reveals in her interview with TODAY.com that the situation played out differently in real life.
“Vanessa is the one that asked me to go on the show even though I am the one that issued the ultimatum in our relationship,” she says. “She was well aware, from the beginning, I was looking for someone to start my life with and go down that path with. She was upfront and honest with me a year prior that she did not want to get married and that she did not want to have kids. So once she found out about the show, she brought it to me.”
With Yoly, Xander found someone who also wanted marriage and a family.
Xander says she felt “comfortable” with Yoly and they easily had “in depth conversations,” something that was missing in her relationship with Vanessa.
Xander tells TODAY.com that she and Yoly were given a list of topics to discuss that “guided” those conversations shown in the episodes.
“That’s what got us to that level,” Xander explains. “I think that her and I are very compatible in a lot of ways, so it made our connection deeper. But, I think it was more so the fact that it was surrounded by the conversations that we were having.”
Although they had an intense connection and chemistry, Yoly said “yes” to Mal’s proposal on decision day. Yoly told Mal that she was still in love with someone else, but they still chose to get engaged during the finale. Later in the episode, Yoly and Xander had an emotional reunion. They struggled to say “goodbye” and Yoly tearfully apologized for ending their relationship.
Xander shared with TODAY.com that she was “bummed” at that moment but “happy” for Mal and Yoly, too.
“Mal’s an amazing person,” she says. “I give them all my blessings.”
The finale showed Xander and Yoly saying “I love you” before they finally went their separate ways. Yoly says in her interview with TODAY.com that they also kissed but that didn’t make it into the episode.
“I’m mourning my relationship and what was a possibility of a future with Xander and then hours later than I see Xander,” she says, explaining her feelings at the time. “And just emotions are there and it’s sad.”
Yoly continues, “I went in for the moment and we kissed, which I super regret. Considering I literally had just said yes to Mal. That was not a good moment. I’m not proud of it. I’ll forever apologize to Mal for that.”
What happened during the reunion?
Mal and Yoly shared during the reunion that their relationship fell apart soon after the show ended. Vanessa also had an update.
Vanessa told host JoAnna Garcia Swisher that Xander and Yoly tried to rekindle their connection after filming ended, surprising Mal.
Yoly and Xander confirmed they briefly saw each other at Coachella but that nothing came from it.
When speaking about meeting up with Yoly at the Indio, California music festival, Xander tells TODAY.com that the connection had fizzled by that point.
“It was almost like the ship had kind of sailed,” Xander says. “We’re both also (in) very different periods of our life at that time.”
She adds, “When we were together, we were together. But afterwards, she was engaged to Mal. Vanessa and I had just broken up after a four year relationship. I was kind of grieving and dealing with that and trying to learn myself and do things for my own healing.”
She points out that the Coachella reunion was “pretty soon” after Yoly’s relationship with Mal ended.
“(Yoly) was still in that period of time. So I think the whole combination of things … the timeline wasn’t matching.”
Yoly agrees that their timing was off.
“We tried,” she says before acknowledging that they processed their breakups differently.
Yoly explains that she had an “alone mentality” after separating from Mal. “We were out of our serious relationships and we both had our own healing journey that we were going through and we weren’t necessarily like aligning with that,” she says.
It seems the spark faded. “It wasn’t vibing with Xander,” Yoly says. “She was on her own journey as well.”
Where does Xander and Yoly's relationship stand now?
More than a year has passed since the show was filmed, giving Xander and Yoly the time and space they needed to move on from their relationships.
So, are they ready to give their romance a second chance? Well, Xander indicates she wants to leave her connections with Yoly and Vanessa in the past.
“I feel like they are both very important people to me in my life,” Xander says. “Vanessa and I obviously have a long history and past. I knew I knew her for many years before we even started dating, so she has a special place in my heart. But I don’t think that it would be healthy for us to be friends by any means.”
She says will always be there for her exes if they need her.
“I’m there for her, same with Yoly,” she continues. “They both have very special places in my heart. They helped me learn and grow in a lot of ways, which I’m very appreciative for.”
But, that chapter of Xander’s life has ended. “I don’t think that they’re two people that I would hang out with necessarily,” she says.
Yoly is also unsure if there will be a future with Xander.
“I don’t know,” Yoly replies when asked if the door is closed. “I don’t think I see it but then a lot of times I really do see it.”
Time might not be an obstacle anymore, but they would still have to overcome long distance since Xander resides in Hawaii.
Yoly says if Xander lived closer the situation might be “different.”
“But I think we’re maybe gonna see each other sometime soon,” she says.