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In time for Valentine’s Day: Best breakup songs

Get through the five stages of grief with a little help from Fleetwood Mac and Bob Dylan.
/ Source: msnbc.com contributor

Denial: “And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going” from “Dreamgirls”

Since its debut in late 1981, “And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going” has taken on a life of its own completely separate from “Dreamgirls,” serving as a defiant anthem for wronged women everywhere. It’s nearly operatic in both its meandering structure and its stentorian melodrama, as if designed to disorient the guy breaking up with the singer and shout him down at the same time. But her triumph is just an illusion, because no matter how vocally she refuses to acknowledge it, the guy she’s singing to is long gone by the time she’s done. “You’re going to love me,” she insists in an act of sheer willpower, but while she gets the spotlight, she’s standing there all alone.

Bargaining: “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” by the Temptations

In which David Ruffin pleads for his woman not to leave him more than any man has ever pleaded before. He doesn’t care how much it chips away at his manliness, and he’s willing to accept every indignity that his abject supplication brings his way. None of it matters, just so long as she turns around and comes back to him. And with Ruffin’s soulful rasp and Motown’s esteemed Funk Brothers backing him up with all they’ve got, the gambit very nearly works. But what woman wants to tell her friends, “That man who humiliated himself in front of God and everyone? He’s mine.”?

Anger: “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac

The first question that comes to mind in any discussion of the five best breakup songs is invariably, “So which five from ‘Rumours,’ then?” For sheer rancor and vindictiveness, though, “Go Your Own Way” is hard to beat. Spitting out his words with such measured fury that he can barely be bothered to think up rhymes, Lindsey Buckingham constructs a densely layered masterpiece that’s the approximate sonic equivalent of your blood gradually rising to a boil. Sure, anyone can tell their ex that she’s selfish and shallow and that she can go take a flying leap. But it takes a special kind of chutzpah to make her sing along while you do it.

Depression: “Without You” by Harry Nilsson

The original Badfinger version of “Without You” was, on the surface of it, an innocuous piece of mopey fluff. But Harry Nilsson’s cover revamped it from the top down, shifting the backbone from acoustic guitar to piano and adding an orchestra for depth. It was Nilsson’s vocal that transformed the song, though, calm and sad in the verse but giving way, in the middle of the first chorus, to a desperate, full-throated cry. Suddenly, it’s not just a healthy sulk anymore, and Nilsson’s claim that he’s lost the will to go on no longer smacks of self-pity. He’s hit bottom, and if he doesn’t die of a broken heart, it’s certainly not for lack of trying.

Acceptance: “You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go” by Bob Dylan

“When something’s not right, it’s wrong,” sings Bob Dylan at approximately the dead center of his breakup masterpiece “Blood On The Tracks,” and although “You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go” is suffused with a terrible sadness, its driving force is the recognition that some things can’t be changed, no matter how much we want to try. That’s not to say that it’s not painful. But when Dylan gets to the line “You’re gonna have to leave me now, I know” after taking stock of his own romantic history and acknowledging both the good and the bad, he embraces the necessity of letting go, even if he’s not quite ready just yet.