Another can of whoopass was opened at tonight's Survivor: Nicaragua Tribal Council.
This time, it was NaOnka serving up a healthy portion of her homemade crazy, leaving Jeff Probst "speechless," Jud dumbfounded and Marty cackling. Even with a full belly after the boys' reward challenge BBQ, Marty was peeved that Nay's food thievery had been "trivialized" by the tribe.
So who would be eating their words after the votes were cast?
Marty paid the ultimate price for trying to "poison" the tribe against Jane. Equally offensive, at least to NaOnka, are his hair and his walk. Admittedly, he's working a hilarious troll-doll hairstyle, but how can she criticize Marty's gait when Dan is sitting beside her?
(The jig is up, Dan: We know you're auditioning for The Walking Dead, but even zombies are more lively than you.)
Humanitarian Human: Nice try, NaOnka. You're neither a humanitarian nor particularly human. I can't speak for your daddy, but I can guarantee you the city of Inglewood will not be throwing you a ticker-tape parade anytime soon.
Staying Power: Could Jeff be right? Will NaOnka really be taunting her tribe all the way to the finals? After all, she's part of the tribal chiefs' (Brenda and Sash) original Minority Alliance, and why oust the one person no jury member will vote for? Team North Carolina (Jane and Chase) have to be next on the chopping block (unless they ally with fresh outcasts Jud and Benry). Which means...
Knock-Knock: Who's there? Dan! Yes, ladies and gentleman, Dan is still making himself at home at Camp Libertad. You know what else? Despite being the only person to consume more calories than he could have possibly burned in his Survivor charade, Dan needs to eat. I swear I would've gone easier on the Weeble wobbler if he'd just taken Jeff up on his offer to sit out the reward (like he does everything else) to create a spot for one of the ladies. Instead: "I need to eat," he shrugged. Class act.
Zip It: Shhh, please don't tell my bosses here at E!, but I did this same zip-lining course as part of the press junket for Survivor: Nicaragua. (Someone has to do these things so Chase doesn't have to!) But unlike Dan, who never met a challenge he didn't cower from, we reporters zipped through those trees superman-style and even upside down. I'm certain the girls would've been more fearless on the course than the winning beta males.
Next Week on Survivor: Purple Kelly is going home! Kidding. Even though Jane took Marty to the woodshed and whipped his ass, the young'uns will probably cut loose another Antique--the only threatening one left--before eating one of their own. That leaves Dan and Holly--the woman who lost her mind and drowned his shoes--to represent the elder statesmen of the original Espada tribe.
I'll be talking to Marty tomorrow morning, so tweet me with any Q's. ("Why is Sash walking around with your Hidden Immunity Idol?" is No. 1 on my list.)