It's becoming a summer tradition as American as baseball, apple pie and ... chainsaws? Syfy has unleashed "Sharknado" (set in Los Angeles) and "Sharknado 2: The Second One" (New York), and next summer, no one on the East Coast is safe.
Syfy announced on Tuesday that the third "Sharknado" film will begin with an attack on Washington D.C. before the biting buddies coast their way down to Orlando. "No seaboard city below our nation's capital is safe!" the channel announced on its website.
Last summer's "Sharknado 2" was packed as tight as a New York subway car with celeb cameos, from TODAY's Al Roker and Matt Lauer to Subway spokesman Jared Fogle.
Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford already volunteered on TODAY to appear in the next film, and we're sure they're not alone. So we'd like to offer some suggestions for who the sharks could savor next summer.
Delicious in D.C.
Oh, like the Sharknado isn't going to devour a few politicians while it's in town. We're guessing it won't take on President Obama — presidents have underground bunkers and secret service for a reason — but Vice President Joe Biden seems like he might be game to get gnawed on in a cameo. And by "Joe Biden" we mean, of course, not the real person, but The Onion version, who's always shirtless and washing down his Trans Am. He can team up across party lines with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Since she once sported a tote bag reading, "Real Women Hunt Moose," grappling with a battalion of sharks should be just her style.
Colonial Williamsburg: Costumed chomping
Maybe the Sharknado can then spin its way into Colonial Williamsburg, famed for its guides in period dress, so we can see how our colonial forefathers would have defended against a Sharknado. Maybe Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) would like to temporarily trade his chainsaw for a wicked-looking halberd, an axe-and-spear combination. Let's put the red back in "redcoats."
The swimming dead in Georgia
We're hoping the sharks jut inland once they get to Georgia (hey, if they can survive on subways...) and find the cast of "The Walking Dead," wherever they're walking these days. First off, we want to see what happens when a staggering, decaying band of walkers gets set upon from above by a troop of sharks, and secondly, we want to see the inevitable crossover when a walker gets a chomp in and turns a shark or two into undead teeth machines. And Michonne's samurai sword, if she ever gets it back, and Daryl's crossbow, are way more artistic weapons than Fin's chainsaw.
While the sharks are down on the Florida-Georgia Line, maybe they could eat Florida-Georgia Line (the band). Like in their hit song "Cruise," they rolled the windows down on that brand-new Chevy with a lift kit, and well, the sharks got their shine on.
Florida feeding frenzy
We know the Sharknado will touch down in Orlando, so Mickey and Minnie Mouse better beware. Syfy won't be able to resist having the sharks splash down in a couple of the Magic Kingdom's water rides, giving truth to that great Jeff Goldblum line from "Jurassic Park": "If the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists." Don't be so sure, Jeff, don't be so sure.
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