Richard Hatch's negotiating skills appear to have suffered somewhat since winning Survivor 11 years ago.
Back in the custody of U.S. Marshals awaiting his return to a federal lockup, the first-ever Survivor winner and latest Celebrity Apprentice castoff is making a last-ditch plea to get his hands on enough money to get his "good" name back.
Isn't it a little too late to suck up to Donald Trump and John Rich?
MORE: Hatch craftily took down David Cassidy on the Celebrity Apprentice premiere
Actually, aside from the embarrassment of only being able to raise a couple thousand dollars while his teammates were pulling in six figures, Hatch is actually pleading for money so that he can pay more taxes and then start suing people.
"I can prove my innocence if someone will loan me three hundred thousand dollars," Hatch writes in an open letter obtained by TMZ, apparently in the hope of getting the attention of someone with an open wallet.
"I have until April 10, 2011 to pay the Malaysian government the tax they are due for the work I did on Survivor ten years ago, taxes the producer's of Survivor and CBS Television were legally required to pay to the Malaysian Revenue Board," Hatch continues, echoing his defense in his U.S. tax evasion case, in which he argued that the network and the show's producers promised to take care of his federal income taxes for him.
Once he pays Malaysia, he says, he then plans to sue Survivor creator Mark Burnett and those rascals at CBS for the "years of torment and financial devastation I have incurred as a result of their improper actions."
The IRS and the government have "very effectively exploited my notoriety to their ends and I have been powerless to stop them," he concludes.
Hatch surrendered to authorities last month after he was ordered to return to prison for another nine months as part of his ongoing punishment for not giving Uncle Sam his due share of that $1 million prize.
"I hope I'm released soon," Hatch said in a statement at the time. "But this system is not effective in dealing with the truth. As always, I'll comply with whatever I'm asked to do and continue my pursuit of exoneration."
On Sunday's Apprentice, as he futilely fought for his survival, he claimed to be "close to being exonerated." Either way, at least he doesn't have to worry about being available for the live Celebrity Apprentice finale.