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The play’s not the thingfor Russell Crowe

Russell Crowe is furious about a play that takes jabs at the hot-headed Aussie.
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Russell Crowe is furious about a play that takes jabs at the hot-headed Aussie.

In “Killing Russell Crowe” — which premiered last week at the Lonny Chapman Repertory Theatre in Burbank, California — a dispirited greeting-card writer asks a bartender if he could kill anyone, who would it be. Russell Crowe, replies the bartender, who goes on to say that when Crowe comes into his bar, he doesn’t pay for his drinks and as a tip he leaves an unsigned headshot of himself.

The real life Crowe is not amused. He has blasted the “imputation I do not pay my way” and has labeled the playwright a “desperate twat.”

“The reckless accusation that I do not tip drain[s] the last drops of credibility from this desperate plea for attention,” Crowe fumed to Sydney’s Sunday Telegraph. “It is with generosity I offer the author this tip: ‘Take yourself outside and give yourself two uppercuts. Greeting cards could be your calling.’ ”

Playwright Jeremy Kehoe says that Crowe had misinterpreted his intentions. “It’s not about Crowe the individual, but the system that Crowe represents,” Kehoe tells The Scoop, adding “I’d love to have Russell Crowe come to see the play. If he’s savvy, he’d see that it’s not an attack on him personally, but on the two-tier system in which there is a set of rules for people of power and privilege and for everyone else.”

In fact, Kehoe not only invites Crowe to see the play, but to star in it. “I think Russell Crowe would love to play the part,” he says, explaining that in the play, the Crowe character comes back to the bar; the two characters chase after him, but Crowe beats them up.

White House odds

Senator Hillary Clinton
Senator Hillary Clinton speaks at a rally for Equal Pay Day, an effort to urge the elimination of the wage gap that pays women an average of 76 cents for every dollar men are paid.

Is Hillary Rodham Clinton headed to the White House? The smart money says so. has prepared a list of odds for likely presidential candidates, and Democratic senator Hillary Clinton is a 6-1 favorite, running ahead of Republican Rudy Giuliani, who comes in at 10-1. What’s more, Condoleeza Rice is not far behind, with 15-1 odds, tying the chances given Senator John Edwards and beating Senator Barack Obama (30-1). Jeb Bush is ranked twelfth on the list, with 35-1 odds.

In fact, of the top several candidates, two are female and two are African-American. “This means that there is a very good chance the next presidential election could feature a female or visible minority presidential candidate,” notes a spokesman for

Notes from all over

FILE: David Bowie Recovers From Emergency Heart Surgery
LONDON - 2001: (FILE PHOTO) *** UK TABLOID NEWSPAPERS OUT *** Musician David Bowie appears during a live radio interview with Radio One DJ's Mark and Lard at the Radio One Maida Vale studio on in 2001 in London. Bowie was admitted to hospital yesterday for emergency heart surgery. (Photo by Dave Hogan/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** David BowieDave Hogan / Getty Images Europe

David Bowie is denying reports that he’s had surgical ch-ch-changes to his face. “I’ve had nothing done really but to my teeth and that helped prop up the visage,” Bowie says, reports the Scottish Daily Record.  . . .  Snoop Dogg is scheduled to speak at Oxford, according to the London Sun.  . .  . Tom Cruise and new sweetie Katie Holmes went backstage at KÀ, a Las Vegas show that combines martial arts, acrobatics, puppetry, and various other mediums, according to a spokeswoman for KÀ, who adds, “After watching the show, the couple visited the KÀ performers backstage, where Tom did a backflip with a little help from two KÀ performers.”

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