Welcome to the infamous red carpet, where all things juicy are almost always off-limits.
Unless you're a member of Team Truth, that is!
Which is why we're--per usual--getting our fanciest reporter hats ready, trying to come up with the sensational questions that will spur the real gos' on Sunday.
And we've decided to let you AT readers help us out if you've got what it takes.
Do you know what you would ask Christian Bale or Natalie Portman if you got the chance?
Being in the press room at the Academy Awards, most folks ask the winners, "How do you feel right now?" or "Where are you going to put your Oscar?"
Just brilliant stuff.
You've got two seconds to ask these celebs anything. It's all about asking fun, interesting questions with, let's face it, a side of naughty.
Here is a classic example of a time when I had to ask the uncomfortable question that everybody wanted to know...
Best Supporting Actress winner Tilda Swinton came backstage after she won in 2008. Remember, this babe has a boyfriend and another partner with whom she has kids. It's what everyone was whispering about, so why not straight up ask her what's up?
Still, she didn't much like my query of whether or not her "sensational" private life perhaps feeds her professional one. She asked me what I meant, exactly:
"You've got a lotta loving at home," I pretty obviously winked to the redheaded babe.
"I have, yeah," she replied.
"How do you know that?" I told the Michael Clayton madam that reporters from Great Britain were calling me about her most spectacular mattress arrangement.
"That's great," she deadpanned. "They weren't calling me."
Swinton ended the affair, as it were, by stating: "I have children with someone else, with whom I'm bringing up my children. And I've lived with someone else, my sweetheart, for the last three years."
See what you gotta work with Awful, readers? Which bookcase you're putting your Oscar on doesn't exactly cut it!
Now, considering we think it's going to be your standard Colin Firth, Melissa Leo, Natalie (maybe) and Christian gang backstage, we really want to know.
What would you ask them?
Tweet me or leave your questions in the comment section and if they are fab enough you very well may hear your perfectly poised quandary backstage at the Oscars!
You people always bitch you can do it better? Here's your chance!