Who's that knocking at our door? Why, it's the stars of "Teen Mom 2" returning for a second season Tuesday night with a Halloween-themed premiere.
And like any motley group of trick-or-treaters gathered on your doorstep, this foursome are terrifying (Jenelle), endearing (Kailyn) and excessively eyelinered (Leah). Even Charlie Brown in his holey ghost sheet is represented by silly Chelsea.
Jenelle ("Teen Mom" train wreck): It's nice to see Jenelle has regained custody of her special boy. Not son Jace, silly, but boyfriend Kieffer Delp, who was released from custody of the Brunswick County Detention Center — his home away from ... um, someone else's home?
Because Jenelle's mom, Barbara, allowed her to move back in her home on the condition that she stop seeing the dopey drifter, the star-crossed lovers are forced to meet in secret. It's. So. Unfair. As Kieffer says, "We deserve a chance to relax, as hard as our lives are."
It's unclear what Kieffer does besides relax, but hey, he's supportive (emotionally) of his girlfriend. "I'm here for you, always." ("Here" being a park picnic table or Jenelle's car.) "We both need to save up," he adds, without any sense of irony, and suggests that their road to salvation lies in pastry. "I'mma keep stacking cake," he says before adding, more realistically: "You need to start stacking cake and pay a six-month lease on a place."
When Juliet isn't rendezvousing with her Romeo, she's following his prescription for relaxation, sleeping in when she's supposed to be babysitting her son. It's all good, though: Sleepyhead is quick to apologize to her mom: "You f---ing idiot," she screams. "You stupid b----, I hate you."
This is but a mild disagreement compared to the blowout after Barbara spots Jenelle with Kieffer and kicks her daughter out of the house. Profanities — and laundry — fly, the baby sobs, and Jenelle bodyslams her mom. Tender moments like these make Amber Portwood seem like on old softy.
Leah and Corey ("Teen Mom" heartbreakers): Leah has embarked on an exciting career in dental assistantry. The best part? She can wear scrubs without going to nursing school! Of course she'll miss her twin daughters, but they're in good hands with meemaw — "Teen Mom" speak for "free day care."
Before hubby Corey can celebrate Leah's contribution to their piggy bank, he has to know whether "any guys work there." Since when did Corey become the jealous male counterpart of Chelsea, who freaked out when BF Adam got a job at a coed restaurant? Both partners did cheat, but as Leah's mom points out, trust is "a big thing in a relationship." Sadly, we all know the biggest thing to happen in this relationship is divorce.
Kailyn ("Teen Mom" overachiever): If half of her "Teen Mom" sisters are trainwrecks, Kailyn — who's working two jobs, attending college full-time and launching a clothing line—is riding the bullet train toward success. She even has a "civil" relationship and shared custody with baby daddy Jo. Too bad she isn't more friendly during their handoffs of son Isaac — after all, it's been months since he's called her a whore and he obviously isn't holding her clothes hostage anymore. (Maybe she can lend Jenelle some clothes? Surely her entire wardrobe doesn't fit in a laundry basket.)
But was lying to Jo about her plans to take her son trick-or-treating with boyfriend Jordan civilized? ("Teen Mom" baby daddy Ryan Edwards sure doesn't think so.) Guess straight-arrow Kailyn had to contribute some dramz to the episode.
Chelsea ("Teen Mom" underachiever): Chelsea's storyline is like watching reruns of a boring sitcom. She's still lounging at home, rent-free thanks to her enabling father Randy, still pretending to study for the GED, and still horrifying potential beauty school teachers by styling her daughter's hair in a pigtail atop her head like Pebbles Flintstone. (At least Fred and Wilma didn't teach their daughter to perform tricks like Dino.)
Oh yeah, and nasty baby daddy Adam is still in the picture. As he tries to flirt his way back into a relationship (and a share of her allowance?), Chelsea waffles once again but insists that instead of her heart, this time "I'm going to go with my brain." Ruh-roh.
What did you think of the latest mama drama? Who horrified you the most? More important: Which tots had the cutest Halloween costume? Share your thoughts on The Clicker's Facebook page.