IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser.

One hour better than two on ‘Talent’

Wednesday night's episode of America's Simon Cowell-less version of “Britain's Got Talent” was immediately more satisfying than Tuesday's premiere for a few reasons.
/ Source: Entertainment Weekly

Wednesday night's episode of America's Simon Cowell-less version of “Britain's Got Talent” was immediately more satisfying than Tuesday's premiere for a few reasons.

#1 — Length: You could cram a two-hour talent show (like Tuesday's premiere) full of the most objectively talented people in the world (not Tuesday's premiere) and it would still be a two-hour talent show. This isn't “Transformers 2,” guys. Brevity is the soul of OMG DID YOU SEE THAT CRAZY JUMPING DOG!?!

#2 — Kids: Better and more professional than their debut-episode counterparts, last night's kids showed the nation that rhythm is king. Did you see Eric and Rickie? Dancing 8-year-olds whose polished choreography and will-they-won't-they hand-holding made for a legitimately captivating performance (and an easy "yes" from the three judges). And no back stories! No cutting to parents offstage! My money so far is on these two to win the $1 million, or the Sea-Doo family pack, or whatever the grand prize is.

“Billy Elliot” fan Arcadian Broad was also pretty dynamite and offered the night's most heartfelt talking head (he just wants to "show everyone I do have something great inside of me to give out"). Niagara Falls.

#3 — Nick Cannon went an entire hour without mentioning his wife or the things he'd like to do to her: Self-explanatory.

#4 — The emergence of fun audition-round drinking games: Here's an easy one: Drink every time a contestant introduction is flipped completely on its head, like when a stay-at-home mom is revealed to be a yodeling dominatrix or a young lady with the "most unique talent she knows" turns out to be carting her twin around in a suitcase. Or take a shot for every "thank you very much" uttered by the judges as they try not to hurt the feelings of a recently XXX-ed contestant.

One more thing: As I watched the cavalcade of "talent" gracing the “AGT” stage, I was struck by the catchphrase used by champion of democracy David Hasselhoff, whose signature line — "You guys are what this show is all about!" — raises more questions than answers.

What IS this show all about, anyway? What is the criterion by which contestants are being judged? Is it raw talent? Perseverance? Fun? SO MANY QUESTIONS. “America's Got Talent” feels a little directionless in this post-Susan Boyle world, where the rules of reality engagement have changed completely.

Next week we'll focus more closely on individual performances, but this opening week seemed right for a breezy orientation as we all find our Season 4 footing. With that in mind, one last pro-tip: following along with other fans on Twitter can turn a solitary AGT experience into a uniquely communal one.