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Omarosa vs. Janice: ‘Surreal’ battle of the divas

Castmates' attention-grabbing tactics makes for entertaining viewing
/ Source: msnbc.com contributor

The battle between always-unpleasant Omarosa and just plain weird Janice Dickinson has dominated VH1’s “The Surreal Life 5” (Sundays, 9 p.m. ET). Janice, looking horribly thin and generally not well, stomps around the house giving off mad vibes of crazy, while Omarosa shows off the self-important, condescending chill she perfected while “working” for Donald Trump. Because neither woman can conceive of a universe not centered around herself, they insult each other and terrify innocent bystanders like poor, blank-faced Jose Canseco.

This week’s episode opened with a noteworthy tirade Janice directed at Bronson “Balki” Pinchot, which he answered with the spot-on, veneer-piercing command, “Stop performing!”, but the “highlight” came later, during a publicity photo shoot.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what to do with the giant knife producers provided as a “prop” for a group photo of the dysfunctional cast. Just as was clearly intended, Janice — not a genius — first held the knife over the head of the dog, and then over the head of Salt-N-Pepa’s Pepa, but when she was sent to stand by Omarosa, she was only too happy to position it over the head of her nemesis, “Psycho”-style.

Predictably, Omarosa threw just the this-is-about-my-safety conniption viewers have come to expect. She demanded that someone intervene to get the knife from Janice, and even after it was taken, she began to ominously suggest that she would quit the show to protect herself from Janice, whom she loudly labeled a “high-society crackhead.” No one does “self-righteously imperiled” quite like Omarosa. What is it with her and head injuries, anyway?

Will Omarosa really leave? Will Janice apologize? Will there be hair-pulling? Whom will Omarosa threaten to sue? Will Janice remain conscious? So many questions. And, with two such insatiable attention hogs, so very little dignity.

Linda Holmes lives in Minneapolis and is a regular contributor to MSNBC.com.