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Meghan King Edmonds opens up about refusing to 'carry anger' amid divorce

The former "Real Housewives of Orange County" star penned a candid blog post detailing how she's coping with her divorce from former MLB player Jim Edmonds.
/ Source: TODAY

Meghan King Edmonds has faced more than her fair share of anguish over the past year, but she wants fans to know she's surviving.

The former "Real Housewives of Orange County" penned a candid blog post that details how she's coping with the "trauma" in her life — including her nasty divorce from former MLB player Jim Edmonds, amid a cheating scandal.

"Let me tell you something, some days I’m barely hanging on by a thread. Some moments I can’t breathe. Sometimes I get in bed and the bed is vibrating, but it’s not: I’m just shaking," wrote the mom of three.

"I don’t like having moments of loss, panic, and utter despair, so I’ve tried not to feel them at all," she continued.

But after trying to block out the "mind-numbing despair," King Edmonds, 35, found herself physically and mentally exhausted. She developed a "severely herniated" disc in her neck, new food allergies and other debilitating ailments.

That's when she knew she needed to come up with a better way of dealing with her stress.

"Your brain has emotional pain, yet you are allowing it (to) sit there and fester in the hidden caverns of your mind. It has nowhere to go despite its need to be released: Your pain releases in physical ways so we learn to PAY ATTENTION," she explained.

The reality star reminded fans that in addition to her split with Jim, she also learned last year that her 1-year-old son Hart was diagnosed with irreversible brain damage.

"Let’s back up: At this point my marriage was rocky, I had three very small children, I just stopped breastfeeding, I knew in my gut that one of my children had a disability but the doctors couldn’t figure it out and they looked at me like I was crazy (but I knew something was wrong, but I felt crazy... but I still knew," she continued.

Reading "The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain" by John E. Sarno, M.D., helped her understand the benefits of "emotional releases."

Soon, she began conducting the releases herself. At first, she simply wrote lists of "everything I was pissed off about." Eventually, she added a "long, long prayer of gratitude" as well as "affirmations of what I want in my life."

"Fast forward to today. 11 months and MANY more traumatic events have occurred in these months, but I was equipped to deal with them," she wrote, adding that she also relies on her faith during tough times.

Meghan now understands the trauma she's experienced "helps me grow, learn, and empathize to help others." She not only feels more "centered," she's able to appreciate all the good in her life — "my kids, Hart’s incredible progress, my health, and the best friends and family in the entire world."

“I made up my mind that I refuse to carry anger. Therefore I am not angry (although I do have many moments of anger),” she wrote. “And I refuse to allow my ego to make decisions. (But I still have an ego, I am human after all.)”

Meghan teased to her blog post Tuesday on Instagram by sharing a photo of herself meditating.

"Four months after my marital separation, I’ve made it to a place of silent acceptance and normalcy. Here’s how I’ve survived with a genuine smile on my face," she captioned it.