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Lindsay Lohan’s lousy boyfriend

As unrepentant retail junky Lindsay Lohan assuredly knows, you get what you pay for.
/ Source: msnbc.com contributors

As unrepentant retail junky Lindsay Lohan assuredly knows, you get what you pay for. So seems the case with her longest-lasting rehab conquest, Riley Giles. And nothing weeds out the losers like a mandatory family holiday. When LiLo dragged the shaggy snowboarder across the country for a Long Island Thanksgiving, Riley failed miserably, reports the New York Post’s Page Six.

Although Riley deigned to have Turkey Day dinner with the Lohans, he couldn’t be bothered to hang around the house. "Riley was not very well behaved when he came back to New York with Lindsay,” Lindsay’s friend told Page Six. “He was out every night without her, and I'm not sure how much longer that relationship is going to last.”

Indeed, the dude who dumped his fiancée after hooking up with Lindsay at Utah’s Cirque Lodge spent the holiday evenings partying NYC-style without her. While Riley slept in, LiLo and her little sis Ali kept themselves occupied with a Fifth Avenue shopping spree.

On another Riley-absent occasion, LiLo, Ali, their reality-show mom and ex-con pops attended a family therapy session. Apparently working hard on her outpatient therapy, “Lindsay is trying to fill her time with nondrinking and nonpartying activities,” another Lohan friend told Page Six.

No news yet on what Riley’s doing to stay clean.

Ashlee Simpson’s super-supportive romance Hey, somebody tell metal band Neurosonic to stop making fun of Ashlee Simpson! Jokes about the lip-syncing pop sibling’s “Saturday Night Live” debacles are so very 2004.

Also, it’s totally pissing off Ashlee’s punk-rock boyfriend, Pete Wentz. So much so that the Fall Out Boy recently sent a cease-and-desist request regarding Neurosonic’s song “So Many People,” which pokes fun at the aforementioned SNL incident, reports Page Six.

Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr. on the "Let's Be Cops," red carpet, Selena Gomez is immortalized in wax and more.

Sure, it’s a silly and inevitably draws more attention to the tune. But hey, it’s a lot classier than flipping off the paparazzi  — the chief GF-supporting move of LiLo’s latest boy toy. No wonder Ashlee’s feeling good about life.

The December CosmoGirl cover girl credits Pete with her latest personal and professional successes. "He's a great sounding board and very supportive," Ashlee said in a CG quote reprinted on People.com. "Pete and I compliment each other. We are best friends, and we encourage each other. I think that is so important in any relationship — it builds a solid foundation."

Beyoncé puts it in writing: She’s not a fast thinker
If Cosmopolitan readers felt the December issue failed to deliver the lowdown on celebrity cover hottie Beyoncé Knowles, Jezebel.com saved the day.

Using excerpts from the singer’s “Cosmo Quiz” and a longhand sample from her recent American Express ad, the Jez gang asked handwriting specialist Sheila Kurtz to put together a personality profile on the entertainer.

“The handwriting is extraordinarily clear, rhythmic, meticulous, logical and open,” Sheila deduced. “She may be somewhat secretive about private matters (as signaled by loops on the right side of "o" formations).”

While Beyonce’s “o” formations reveal a secretive side, the expert says other letters reveal just how her brain works. “She is not a fast thinker (the rounded "m" and "n" formations indicate a mostly methodical mind), but she makes up for the relative slowness of process with a good and trusted intuition (signaled by the breaks between letters) that accelerates her ability to draw decisions from strings of facts.”

“Although she says she overanalyzes, there is scant evidence in her handwriting that she probes and weighs and digs too much.” Slow and shallow? Ouch. At least when it comes to Beyonce’s yearbook-style John Hancock, Sheila confidently added, “the clarity and elegance are outstanding.”

Dish on the fly Though their relationship allegedly ended amicably, Jennifer Aniston wants Vince Vaughn to hand over the house keys, reports the National Enquirer’s Mike Walker. Apparently, Jen allowed Vince to crash at her Los Angeles pad as needed, but when she learned he attributed their love woes to “her stardom,” she ended the open-door policy. “Having Vince under my roof isn’t healthy for my well-being,” an insider overheard Jen complain. … According to DailySnack.com, Dustin Hoffman’s New Year’s resolution is all picked out. “I do have to stop picking my nose, especially in the car,” the “Mr. Magorium” star confessed. “I'll be driving and I will catch someone trying to take my picture.” … Madonna stands accused of a fashion don’t by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The pop icon’s latest British Vogue photo shoot, which features a flock of dyed sheep on the singer’s estate, “sends out the wrong message about how to use animals,” an RSPCA spokesperson recently told the Sun. “Even if the dye is safe for the animals, others might copy it with an unsafe dye.”

Tabloid Tidbits is compiled by Ree Hines and Helen A.S. Popkin.