Eight days to go before the election, late-night TV hosts are getting out their final campaign jokes. A selection from Monday night:
"Political experts say that John McCain's only chance of winning the election next week is to attract swing voters. Unfortunately, McCain thinks swing voters are people who listen to Glenn Miller."— Conan O'Brien, NBC's "Late Night"
"They say now that Barack Obama is so far ahead in the polls, that the only way he could mess up the election is if he ... got rid of Joe Biden and replaced him with Andy Dick."— David Letterman, CBS's "The Late Show"
"McCain may be behind but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word quit. He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate."— Stephen Colbert, Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report"
"The other day, a guy who played a game of basketball against Barack Obama said that Obama spent the whole game ‘trash talking.' He also said Obama's trash-talking is eloquent, high-minded and inspirational."— O'Brien
"Today in Alaska the Anchorage Daily News, Alaska's largest newspaper, guess who they endorsed: Barack Obama. I know! That's another newspaper Sarah Palin will never read."— Craig Ferguson, CBS's "The Late Late Show."
"Sarah Palin has spent $150,000 on clothes. $150,000 on clothes. I'm telling ya, it would have been cheaper if McCain had picked Ellen Barkin. But that's nothing. She's got an even higher tab at LensCrafters."— Letterman