Lady Gaga considered going sober while making her new album: 'I'm not there yet'

"It's something that came up as a result of me trying to work through the pain that I was feeling," said Gaga.
/ Source: TODAY

Lady Gaga "flirted" with the idea of giving up booze while making her new album, "Chromatica" — but she ultimately decided she wasn't ready.

"I don't take any pain medication, because it's not healthy for me. But I've flirted with the idea of sobriety. I'm not there yet, but I flirted with it throughout the album, and it's something that came up as a result of me trying to work through the pain that I was feeling," Gaga, 34, revealed Thursday during an interview with Zane Lowe on Apple Music.

Gaga said writing and recording "Chromatica" helped her heal from years of trauma. "I think I forgive myself. I forgive myself for all the ways I've punished myself in private," she said.

"But part of my healing process was going, 'Well, I can either lash the hell out of myself every day for continuing to drink, or I can just be happy that I'm still alive and keep going,' and feel good enough," she continued. "I am good enough. It's not perfect, but wabi-sabi. I'm perfectly imperfect.'"

Gaga did manage to ditch one vice once the album was completed.

"I quit smoking," she said, throwing her hands triumphantly in the air. "I smoked the whole way through making this record. And when we were done, I stopped. It was the most bizarre, beautiful thing that could have happened, that this music actually healed me."

The Grammy winner's candor about her mental health issues is reflected on several of the album's songs.

"I wrote a song on 'Chromatica' called '911' and it's about an anti-psychotic that I take and it's because I can't always control things that my brain does. I know that, and I have to take medication to stop the process that occurs," she shared.

Another song, "Free Woman," helped Gaga process the sexual assault she experienced at 19.

"It's me going, 'I'm free,' but it's not just because 'I'm a free woman, look at me, I found gratitude and everything is zen,'" she said. "It's (saying) 'I'm no longer going to define myself as a survivor of a victim of sexual assault.' Like I'm just a person who is free, who went through some f----- up s---."

Gaga said writing and recording "Chromatica" helped her heal from years of trauma. "I think I forgive myself. I forgive myself for all the ways I've punished myself in private," she said.

"I've been open about the fact that I used to cut. And I've open about the fact that I have had masochistic tendencies that are not healthy. And they're ways of expressing shame. They're ways of expressing feeling not good enough. But actually they're not effective. They just make you feel worse," she said.

"The harder thing to do is to ask for help, and to tell someone" said Gaga, adding, that she eventually realized that sadness and pain are human experiences.

"I think I forgave myself because I decided I was human, and that made me feel better," she said.