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‘Idol’ judges’ disrespect is out of control

For $45 million a year, you'd think Simon Cowell could at least look interested for three hours a week while he judges "American Idol." But he and fellow judge Paula Abdul have taken their disrespectful clowning to new lows.
/ Source: msnbc.com contributor

For $45 million a year, you'd think Simon Cowell could at least look interested for three hours a week while he judges "American Idol."

But no. This season, he appears utterly indifferent and bored, barely paying attention and showing up to the past few elimination episodes wearing what appears to be the same Hanes V-neck undershirt. The show may sometimes be boring, but Simon's behavior is increasingly appalling.

Just over a half-hour into last week's "American Idol" two-hour performance episode, Paula Abdul, surprisingly alert and awake, was asked by Ryan Seacrest how she'd compare Scott MacIntyre's performance to the other male contestants, and while she fumbled her way through an answer, Simon stared at her and said, "Honestly. Honestly."

Like a third grader, he then started berating her by repeating the same thing: "Answer the question. Answer the question. Answer the question." When he does this sort of thing, Paula Abdul and her short attention span tend to get thrown off, which may make for good television but happens while a bewildered contestant waits.

This time, though, Paula was prepared. "Simon? I have something for Simon," Paula said, producing a box of Crayola 64 crayons and a coloring book from underneath the table. "Here you go, six-year-old." Paula may have called Simon out with her pre-planned bit, but historically, she's been as obnoxious as he is.

All of this happened while legally blind contestant Scott MacIntyre stood before the judges, which prompted ever-alert host Ryan Seacrest to say, "Let me explain to Scott what's happening: She pulled out crayons and a coloring book for the child next to her, is what she's trying to say."

Simon and Paula screwing around is nothing new: Three years ago, Paula started blaming her crazy behavior on Simon Cowell, and he was certainly to blame sometimes, like when he openly fondled Paula during the second-to-last performance episode of the fifth season.

Like any bully or class clown, Simon does this because it works: he causes Paula Abdul to become flustered, and a flustered Paula is even more amusing than normal Paula, whatever that is.

New judge Kara DioGuardi and old standby Randy Jackson are generally well-behaved at their end of the table, with the notable exception of Randy's booing at Simon Cowell (funny once, now absolutely insufferable, and whoever isn't cutting the audio to his mic when he boos should be fired).

But Simon and Paula, the judges who get the most press, the most attention, and who have really defined the series, have become downright disrespectful to the contestants who make their jobs possible.

Ryan Seacrest doesn't help: Frequently, his questions to the judges focus on their childish behavior rather than their commentary. Sometimes Ryan gets into the game and spars with Simon and honestly, their interaction — however juvenile and frequently homophobic — can be a lot more interesting than whatever karaoke act we're about to suffer through.

Simon's shenanigans actually affect contestantsAll of this does have a point: it makes entertaining television.

But how much of the show should be about them? "American Idol" is allegedly about the singing, although as any half-aware viewer knows, it's not the number-one TV show in the country because it is a singing competition. The unpredictable drama that comes from its charismatic personalities, from the regular cast to the new contestants, give the show its life and ratings.

Still, there should be a line, if only to be fair to the very contestants who make Simon's $45 million a year salary possible.

Standing on the stage, alone, facing the four "American Idol" judges, is probably one of the more difficult things a person can do. The fact that most of the contestants are amateur performers in their teens and 20s only adds to that pressure. Other reality show contestants have the benefit of not having a live studio audience and being actually live.

So it must be even harder when the judges are ignoring you and playing around instead — especially when the judge everyone is waiting to hear from is interrupting the other judges, inappropriately touching them, or staring into space.

Simon Cowell's criticism is frequently harsh, but it's also astute and generally the most honest. Past contestants have said that they basically wait to hear what Simon has to say, and viewers seem to do that, too. (For the first time ever, he has competition there, thanks to Kara DioGuardi's addition to the panel.) He formed that reputation by being alert and smart and caustic, not stupid and jokey.

The effect of Simon and Paula and Ryan's shenanigans is that the contestants who perform later in the show actually get less time for judging because the previous judging and banter has consumed all of the time not filled by pointless filler. For all the yapping that conspiracy theorists do about how the show is rigged, they tend to ignore the most damning ways that results can be impacted.

At the end of last week's performance episode, Simon started drawing a mustache on Paula Abdul with a crayon while Kara was praising Allison Iraheta's performance.

"You sing like you've been singing for 400 years. That is from God. You can't teach that. Woo!" Kara said, her praise swallowed up by the action at the other end of the table.

"Why did he have to do that?" Allison awkwardly laughed, and Randy Jackson asked, "What are you guys doing?"

Good questions.