When we last left Wisteria Lane: The women gathered together to protect Katherine after she shot her abusive ex. Kayla was sent to her grandparents, presumably for good. Susan gave birth to baby Maynard. Edie stormed off the block, leaving many to wonder if she'd ever return.
This week: Wisteria Lane did the time warp, with the new season beginning five years after the last one ended. We learn Susan and Mike had broken up after she couldn't let go of the guilt over a fatal car accident they were involved in. But with Mike still on her mind, she struggles to commit to hunky housepainter Jackson (Gale Harold).
Bree's being feted as Fairview's new Martha Stewart, but overlooked partner Katherine pulls the spun-sugar rug out from under her and makes her look bad on TV. (Google "Norma Collier" for the real-life parallels to Stewart's early days.) But Bree's got bigger problems: Daughter Danielle, now wed to a lawyer, has packed up Benjamin, the son Bree pretended was her own, and hightailed it outta town. When begging Danielle to stay, she blubbers "Orson's gone," but just a few minutes later, the dentist shows up.
Gaby and Carlos (he's still blind) have two adorable young girls. Although the oldest is nearly five, Gaby appears to have just noticed that little Juanita is chubbier than many girls her age. Carlos is cool about it, but ex-model Gaby, who's added a few pounds herself, is freaking out. Her idea of an exercise routine? Make Juanita run home from a party, clad in full princess costume.
Mystery man, enter and sign in please: Seems apparent that this year's big mystery involves the newly returned Edie and husband Dave Williams, expertly played by Neal McDonough. He seems smooth, suave and solicitous to his wife, until the last scene. Then we see him taking a phone call from a doctor he's required to contact once a month as a "condition of your release." We're not sure what he did, but "rage" is mentioned, and Dave tells us there's "only one person who should be worried" before looking meaningfully down the street.
What have Lynette and Tom's sons been up to?: Hotwiring McCluskey's car, selling fake IDs, running their own casino/bar for underage teens in parents' pizzeria. You know, the usual.
Name game: We learned Mike and Susan's tot goes by M.J., not Maynard, the moniker his mom so hated. Probably a good thing.
Exchange of the week:
Edie to a plumper Gaby: What happened to you?
Gaby: I had two children!
Edie: For what, breakfast?