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Green-eyed monster returns to Wisteria Lane

Bree was forced to choose between her husband, Orson, and her partner, Katherine, while Carlos and Gaby teach their daughter about the birds and the bees on "Housewives."
/ Source: contributor

And the band raged on: Dave tries hard to get Mike to join his and Tom’s garage band. And he’s going way beyond trying to be friendly: First he yells at Tom, then at Edie. Then he busts a pipe with a baseball bat to get Mike to come fix it. Finally, he buys the Hudson home and rents it to Mike at a dirt-cheap price — but he won’t let Edie tell anyone they’re the landlords. It looks like Mike’s the person Dave said should worry, but it’s still not clear why, exactly. What did Mike do to Dave anyway? Kick his puppy?

Unsolicited advice: Lynette tries to glom onto Bree’s success, because she’s missing her own former businesswoman days. Instead, she ends up drunk and humiliated at Bree’s Businesswoman of the Year banquet. This little embarrassment just might have made her Bree’s best friend, though, because she has the inner strength to admit it was fueled by envy, and tells Bree she’ll be her biggest cheerleader from now on.

Green-eyed monsters: It looks like Bree’s going to need all of the support she can get since Katherine’s so jealous she throws Bree’s cookbook in the trash. She also asks Bree not to hire an unemployable (thanks to his time served) Orson, but by episode’s end Bree does it anyway in order to bring her pouty husband back to bed. With all the drama from Orson and Katherine, Bree might be better off firing them both and hiring Lynette.

Blind leading the blind: In frivolous plotline territory (also known as Casa de Solis), Gaby’s jealous of Carlos’s blindness — at least when it comes to sex and the heightened senses he tells her about. So Gaby uses a blindfold, and loves it. Unfortunately, when she removes the blindfold, Juanita’s there watching, asking them to please not do that (“wrestling,” according to Gaby), because Daddy is so much bigger and will hurt Mommy. They end up explaining the birds and the bees to her and she blabs it to her only friend. Then Carlos ends up telling that same friend that there’s no Santa Claus.

Line of the weekLynette, to Bree: “Just know that all of your friends are very proud of you. Bitterly jealous, but proud.”

Second best lineEdie, about having to keep their status as landlords a secret: “Screw karma. I finally do something nice in this neighborhood and I can’t even brag about it.”

Honorable mention: When Carlos wants to tell Juanita the truth about sex, Gaby sarcastically suggests telling her: “Sometimes mommy rides daddy like a mechanical bull to get jewelry.”

Missing children: No sign of any of Lynette and Tom’s kids this week. And Gaby and Carlos only found a playdate for one daughter, so it’s unclear what they do with the other one during their sex dates. Or ever. Finally, why don’t we ever hear from Julie? Sure, she’s an adult now, but you’d think she’d keep in touch.

DeAnn Welker is a writer in Portland, Ore.