For some, being named Unsexiest Man in the World might be a dishonor, but not for Gilbert Gottfried.
“I’m just glad to be number one on any list,” says the comedian.
Though luminaries such as Dr. Phil (No. 6) and Joey Buttafuoco (No. 75) also made their way onto the Boston Phoenix alternative newsweekly's list, there’s one man who sticks out for Gottfried.
“I’m just so proud I beat out Osama bin Laden. He’s a terrorist who hasn’t bathed in a few years and I’ve still beaten him. I say: In your face, al Qaeda! If he would have won unsexiest, the terrorists would have won.”
But there’s one man Gottfried isn’t so happy to see appear beneath him. “I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top,” he says. “That I find offensive.”
On being named less sexy than Michael Jackson (No. 11), he says, “Well, that’s a whole different story. I’m starting my own little amusement park in my house, inviting little boys over.”
Gottfried says he goes to the same gym as Meat Loaf (No. 77) but that he’s already feeling the pressure of maintaining his “unsexiest” crown. “I have to keep being number one each year. So I’ve started seeing the same plastic surgeon that Mickey Rourke goes to.”
The comedian did reveal a little item that may have put him over the top. “They also said I was the modern successor to Milton Berle,” he says, “who, legend has it, was extremely well-endowed. And that’s actually a curse for me because I have to hire an assistant to carry it around.”
He adds, “But in all fairness the way the rumor got started is that someone saw me standing at a urinal next to Gary Coleman.”
And if the editors of People Magazine are reading, he wants you to know that he’s ready for his Unsexiest Man Alive cover. To his fans he says, “I just hope for years to come, I’ll be unattractive to you. I’ll do my best by eating unhealthy and never exercising. It’s just nice to know that I don’t have to worry about losing my looks.”
Learn more about Gilbert Gottfried by visiting http://www.gilbertgottfried.com/.