Now that we’re down to the final seven, I feel I need to make my final bets on who’s going to Bryant Park. Hmmm. While I really expected Mila to win the whole shebang, even though she appears to be pure evil under a nicely razored bob, I’m now going with Emilio, Seth Aaron and either Maya or Jay.
I think finally, finally, after drinking gallons of the Mila Kool-Aid, the judges finally shook off their drug-induced stupor, crawled out of Mila’s spidery grip and realized, oh yeah, she can’t do anything except black and white or color blocking. Girlfriend is played out. And because I’ve declared this, that probably means she’ll win the next several challenges and dance off with the Bryant Park win. Arrgh!
Anyway, enough with the betting, since I can’t put any money on it anyway, not having a bookie or anything. Let the games begin!
Supersized Heidi waddles out to tell the designers to go see Tim for the next challenge, because she’s got to eat a cookie and find her pregnancy pillow. Wait, she’d only say that if she were a regular pregnant lady. Heidi, despite having a voice like a Satanic talking doll (“I love playing dress-up with my mommy! Bow down before Beezelbub!”), is otherwise perfect in every way, and I question whether she even goes into labor but instead sneezes delicately and, pop, there’s another cute little spawn of Seal! Whee!
Tim introduces Vivienne Tam, who is awesome in every way. I almost miss the dumb starlets, because they said stupid things and were easy to make fun of, and no way am I making fun of Vivienne Tam. Anyway, Tim announces that the designers will have to design their own textiles with an HP laptop, which Vivienne has some sort of deal with, so there’s lots of cross promotional plugging to drown out here. Lalalalalalalala.
Prints don’t usually work for Anthony. And that’s exactly what Anthony says, speaking of himself in the third person. I will forgive this, because Anthony is pretty much the one fun guy in an otherwise painfully nice/quiet/shy/boring crop of designers. I fear for this season when he gets the ax.
Mila designs stripes with a paintbrush. Wow, that’s what I call innovation. Stripes. Yawn. Anthony thinks her fabric looks like Legos. I love Anthony.
Emilio is ripping off Stephen Sprouse for a graffiti print. But I like it. I wonder if the judges will cream him for it, though. But hey, ‘80s are back, right?
Jonathan’s print is so light it looks like a mistake. Jonathan’s in trouble.
Mila can’t wait to see her fabric. Mila’s delusional. Hey, Mila, open a crayon box, there’s your fabric.
Today’s emotional phone call is Seth Aaron’s. He loves his family. He seems to have quite the brood. He’s not as weepy as I’m sure the producers would like, but hey, he’s too punk rock for that.
Jonathan loves his oil spot fabric. Jonathan should come to my house, because I have a drop cloth that was under the car he’s going to die for.
Mila hates Emilio’s print. She thinks his taste is questionable. Mila is not familiar, I guess, with Stephen Sprouse. But if anyone’s taste is questionable, I’d say the Lego-stripe woman would be the one.
Tim visit! Tim looks confused by Mila’s ugly maxi dress, but says nothing. He tells Jonathan to watch his proportions, which is really all he can say now that the fabric’s a done deal. Tim doesn’t love Emilio’s outfit. Emilio doesn’t care. Tim loves Seth Aaron’s outfit, but doesn’t seem wowed by the fabric. Tim loves Maya’s fabric. Tim warns Anthony he’s not being ambitious enough. Which is true, because he’s made this same dress about four times that I can think of.
If Maya thinks Emilio’s taste is questionable, well, he ain’t too impressed with her, either. He can’t understand why she can’t work with color. Good question! Mila, however, thinks she’s doing great work. Mila’s off her nut, seriously.
Runway time! So, the judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Vivienne Tam, who looks very smiley and happy to be there. Still not saying anything mean about Vivienne Tam. Sigh. Where’s Lindsay Lohan when you need some comic relief?
Seth Aaron: Cute little jacket, rocking zipper pants. This is an incredible outfit.
Jonathan: This is so boring. Blah color, and the model looks fat. I just don’t get this at all.
Maya: Nice dress. Beautiful print. Maya always delivers, but the question is whether or not she’ll ever deliver a win.
Emilio: Love the jacket, and the dress ain’t bad either. Deceptively simple, very elegant. Boy, totally makes you forget about that string-and-washer bikini, doesn’t it?
Mila: Oh, look! Black and white! This is so dull. And the model is walking like she has a yeast infection.
Anthony: S’alright. Not great. I’m beginning to think all Anthony can do is nice little cocktail dresses.
Jay: I dig the buttons, love the jacket, but way too much solid black. Jay is the only designer who gets to leave the runway. Yup, you can tell we’re getting close to the end.
Heidi calls on Emilio. Heidi loves the whole outfit. Vivienne would like to wear it. Nina loves the ‘40s meets graffiti vibe. Mila can suck it.
Next up, Mila. Michael hates the print. He thinks it looks like a Mexican serape/gay flag. Heidi says the whole dress is stuck in the ‘70s. Nina thinks it’s not much of a print. Vivienne thinks it’s a mixed message. Mila is eating it.
Anthony says his dress is supposed to be a little festive. Nina doesn’t know what the hell is going on with the shrug. Michael thinks it looks too normal. Heidi wants something different from Anthony.
Seth Aaron says his print represents him 100 percent. Heidi loves the outfit. Michael thinks it’s impeccable. Nina thinks the print is charming and the outfit is adorable.
Maya natters on about architecture and sculpture and other stuff, but it doesn’t matter, because Michael thinks the model looks like a romantic warrior, and he’s intrigued. Vivienne thinks it’s multidimensional. Maya is getting a thumbs up.
Jonathan says he was going for a watercolor effect instead of a yucky boring dress, which is actually what he succeeded in doing. Michael calls the jacket a disco straightjacket and says it looks like the print looks like a dribbled-on tablecloth. Nina says it looks dirty, poor and sad. Jonathan doesn’t even mind that everyone laughs at his sad, dirty little dress and stands by it 100 percent. Oh, Jonathan.
Behind the scenes time! Nina hates that Anthony uses the same silhouette over and over. She thinks Mila took the easy way out. Michael thinks the model looked like she was walking in a striped teepee. Michael is just a crazy man with the one liners, isn’t he? Everyone takes a swipe at Jonathan for being too conceptual and weird.
Then, it’s on to the designers they like, which is never as interesting. They love Seth Aaron. And they love him so much, I’m starting to think Seth Aaron has a shot at winning this thing. Michael loves Emilio’s print, and thinks it could be done in a million colors. Michael says Maya’s print was his favorite of the day.
Decision time! Emilio is... the winner. Gotta say, I’m surprised. Seth Aaron is... in. Maya is... in. Poor Maya never wins. I thought she had a chance, honestly.
Mila is... in. Really? Heidi calls Anthony boring and Jonathan sad. Anthony is... out. Wah. I mean, yes, his dress was dull, but Anthony was the life of the party. And I really, really wanted him to outlast Mila, who is sucking harder with each passing week. At least you can imagine someone wearing his dresses. I’d sooner wear a dust cover than Mila’s ugly Lego maxi dress. Man, I just want to hit her in the head with a Boston fern or a macramé handbag or something equally outdated that shouldn’t come back in style, like, ever.
Anthony says that life has taught us that you don’t have to have the crown to be the queen. Truer words have never been spoken. And of course, he goes backstage all smiles and joking around, making everyone else feel better. Tim honestly seems broken up to send Anthony home.
Next week, they’ll be designing for a celebrity who is headstrong and opinionated. And their little worlds will be turned upside down.