"Lost" star Evangeline Lilly is opening up about a difficult time in her life in a candid Instagram post.
The Canadian actress shared two photos, apparently taken a year ago, that she said were taken by her son. In one photo, she faces away from the camera with her hand on her forehead; in the second image, she looks at the camera with a frown on her face.
"I had such a rough year last year but I didn't want to share all of it with you because I didn't want to be a dark cloud in your world," Lilly wrote, after referencing a post from the previous day. "All I've ever wanted to do was put joy in the world. To add sunshine. I didn't want you to be having a perfectly good day and then have my post make you sad. But I struggle deeply with feeling that all I ever am is what I feel everyone else wants and needs me to be."
Lilly said that despite having "always known (she) was strong," she struggled with feeling "alone and unseen."
"I kept it all inside, kept it to myself, and made space in there to hold your pain, too," she wrote. "Publicly, I hid and made light of my deepest traumas and laughed in the face of my most profound pain. Until, last year, I broke. Suddenly I was forced to face my weakness and my limitations, my trauma and fears."
Lilly didn't provide any detail on the traumas that she was referring to, but said that the past year made her realize she had to change something about her life.
Related
"I was left with no choice but to accept that I am limited or... carry on down a road of perfectionist denial that would inevitably kill me," she wrote. "I am coming out of that deep place, slowly."
The actress, who frequently posts on social media, ended her post with a meditation on how she would continue to interact with fans online.
"As I start to breathe the fresh air, as I start to find my new, limited footing, I feel disconnected from you," she wrote. "I feel it's pointless to share the light when you don't know my darkness. I feel lost and apathetic about this space we share. But I ask myself... would you have wanted to to come along in my darkness had I shared it?"
Fans and followers quickly filled the comments of the post with love and support.
"As someone who lives with someone who suffers bad anxiety/depression, I completely understand where you're coming from," wrote one user. "Mental health is a serious issue and I've learnt that if it is talked about (especially within your inner circle) it can sometimes lighten the load."
"We aren't meant to carry all that darkness and abuse by ourselves," commented another. "It is okay to not be okay. We are here for you."
Her "Ant-Man" and "Ant-Man and the Wasp" co-star David Dastmalchian added a supportive comment.
"💙 you & we are so grateful to have you in our lives," wrote Dastmalchian, who played Kurt in the Marvel movies. "The world's a better, more brilliant place w all of you (both your darkness & your light)."
Others praised her for sharing her experiences so openly.
"I am so sorry for your suffering," wrote one commentator. "It was brave of you to share this personal story with us. Just know I will keep you in my thoughts!"